it's begining to smell a lot like TURkey...

well, ladies (and possibly gentlemen. prove me wrong, gentlemen. prove. me. wrong.), the holiday season is about to come and violate our very beings. i mean, i'm no scrooge, but the holidays? ain't no pic-a-nic either.

thanksgiving. on my facebook,* i have some friends. some friends who are family. some friends who are school chums (unlikely). and a lot of worky friends and such. you know, such? anywho, one of those 7 friends is a friend from high school and she's like, super strength crazy. yowza. anywhoodle, she, among others, is doing this whole "i'm thankful for" schnitzle and it creeps me out.

that probably makes me a bad person.

everyone is entitled to their weird thankfulness, right? apparently, according to one, becky, they are not. she says things like, i'm thankful that jesus... something, something. and i'm all? jesus? jesus has a relationship with turkeys. JESUS HAS A RELATIONSHIP WITH EVERYTHING, BECKY! jesus made turkeys what they are today! jesus produced turkey's first big single. what were we talking about?

*ahem* so, we're staying "here" for thanksgiving and chuck's motha is up here to stay with her sister and then she's coming over to my house and we're all going to be HAPPY! godammit because, guess what chuck said? go ahead, guess. ... ... ... he said, "i'm nervous for your dad to meet my mom." let me splain, my father is a lunatic. and even though i am no fan of that man, the way it was said made me well up with tears. i was like, "IT'S NOT LIKE MY DAD'S SOME SORT OF WILD ANIMAL!!!!!!" *VERY CALMLY.* pause. the next part came in a very small voice, "i can't help that he's a lunatic."

family, can't live with 'em, can't stand to see another person taking liberties with their reputation. i love my family. i love them all. i was really looking forward to thanksgiving because all those fuckers would be here including chuck's mother. the whole family here. the whole family together. the whole family, whole.

as things often do, it kinda took a turn for the worse about a month ago. yup, my family fucked me over big time. and it hurt my feelings. and they really don't think they've done anything wrong. i know chuck's just nervous about my dad because he can be an asshole. and he can. hearing him say that, as if my family were something to be avoided hurt me as well. it's hard to know where to stand on the battlefield of family and new family. i would love to remain neutral. i would love for it all to go away. that's why i think we'll move to some sort of remote corner of the country only to be visited once or twice a year and we'll get into that whole, "oh, i wish you lived closer!" and then they'll leave.

what i'm thankful for:

being with family. even though some things might be strained, it will still be nice to have that family feeling. and my brother is pretty cool, so there's that. other people i like? my aunt and sometimes my mother. most of the time. unless we talk about that one thing.

this: chuck says two phrases that crack me up: "cue move?" and he says: "chout!" chucklation? can you move and watch out! and so i was making fun of him (a leeetle) and he said, "i feel sick!" and i said, "what are you talking about?" then he said, "i think i've been contaminated!" and i was like, "whaaaa?" and he said, "oh. i thought we were saying things the other person always says right now." and then i stabbed him in the eyeballs.

dogs. <-always on the thankful list. those bastards.

foooooood! i'm making an uncontaminated turkey on friday for the becky household. and it's gonna be neat. also? whole foods! booyah!

the nice crisp weather we're having. how 'bout it? right?

did i mention turkey? i love the turkey.

*i have a new facebook page for my alter-ego (that's me) called mlb. you should check it out because i have almost no friends on there, yet! so come make me feel special. or something?

fraking fabulous furry flashback friday: the puppy edition!

ok. so we've had other flashbacks and they're always about becky. becky, becky, becky! gah! who cares about becky when there are pictures of PUPPIES??? NOBODY AT ALL!

this is "matilda" aka pants! the wonder dog! when she was a fetus. if you had xray vision you could totally see her in this picture but you don't. because you're lame. lame-o. or wait, this is just a picture of a pregnant dog not an actual pregnant dog so really, all you'd see would be the inside of your computer and also i don't think that's not good for computers because they totally said something about radiation being bad for computers or something that one time.

this next one features pants (! the wonder dog) post fetus. she's totally eating some chow. and snuggling. she's still good at both.

this is pant's litter of puppies and the litter of kittens i was raising at the time. that's some pussy on puppy action if i ever saw any. woo!

finally we have the puppies a little older chewing on ropes.

and there you have it! no pictures of becky and lots of pictures of puppies! yaaaaaaaaaayeee! wow. this ending kind of fizzled. i got nothing good to end this... with... perhaps a preposition? check! you know what? how bout yous just check out this? you can make tooting noises with me! funsies!

i almost forgot!  SIDE NOTE! after all my anti-being weird about food (i'm fine with food. i love food. we're getting married) .... i have a problem. ok. it's a weird problem about me. and my weirdness and i need YOU in your youness to help me, in my weirdness. (i did already ask this on the twitter, so feel free to ignore it if you've already ignored it on twitter and or you already helped and or you don't really like me that way)

given my allergies, is it weirder for me to bring food to a dinner thing or not eat at a dinner thing? (eat beforehand) lay it on me. i figure at like a cocktail, snacky gathering i can continue to just have drinks. that's what i usually do. part two: what do you think about the current state of affairs that i'm doing to.. my... affairs? (to clarify: the sentence before that sentence about what i usually do at COCKtail parties).

ps i got really, really, reallyreally sick after a dinner party recently. the hostess even went out and bought a gf mix just for me [insert searing embarrassment and horror and feeling like i'm a horrible, horrible person who is weird and has to have people go out of their way for me. ugh]. i tried to call her beforehand so that i could bring a beefed up side dish, etc. but she ended up talking to chuck and we all know how uninterested in details chuck is (very).* soooo i ended up bringing the salad, and ate the meal and the gf cornbread. i ate everything. and i got sick even with her trying. FUCK! he also did the whole no teflon pan thing. [more searing embarrassment].

*i told him my plan was to ask if we could bring a side dish. he apparently asked if she wanted us to bring potatoes. well... jesus, chuck! what if she's not cooking something that would go with potatoes? what then? jesus. so yeah, when we got there? potatoes. i really hope she didn't feel obligated.

i do stuff. with my mouth part. ON VIDEO! (tmit)

so for today's tee mit, i'm doing something that i'm sure is tmi because this is what we all did when we were in elementary school. "weird stuff that i can do with my body" is how this whole post came about. i was talking to becky of the becky club and of the steam me up, kid blog that you may have read and laughed with until you tooted. now, i know you'd been holding that toot in for 20 minutes and it was right there, at the entrance but still, smuk will pop that toot right out of your b hole. the things that woman can do with her ... words.

first of all, i will give you a pictionarial taste of the goodness that may or may not be contained in the videos following. for your viewing pleasure, this is your classic tongue-lip combo lips, posing as lip-lip lips:

now i know you might be able to see what looks like a pair of lips. if, my dear students, you will observe a little closer, you might notice that IN FACT the top "lip" is not a lip at all! it is, IN FACT the subject's tongue. how can this be done, you ask? what abomination of nature is this? have you really kissed people with that fake set of lips? yes and his name was chuck. he pretended not to like it but though his mouth was saying yes, his body was saying no... wait, scratch that, reverse it. whatever, he was totally into it. he said it was "sexy." he kinda said it in his sarcasm voice but really, how can he resist my tongue-lip lips? he can't.

as for your other questions, the secret ingredient to the tongue-lip lips is this: take your BOTTOM lip and turn it inside out! hoooooold it. take your tongue and INSERT IT out of your mouth on top of your BOTTOM lip, all the while hiding the TOP lip like a stealthy nija (or something). viola! tongue-lip lips!

now, let's take a short stroll from the lips to the tongue because the first video is about my tongue. yes, i know: "woo!" my tongue is pretty amazing, here's a video, with simple narration, to tell you about it.


secondly, we have the ever classic, shaky eyes. i can make my eyes move slightly back and forth in a freaky manner. BONUS: my eyelids flutter at the same time!


and finally, i have a question, dear, deer readers: how do you toot?


i would be remiss if i didn't include side toot as an option. so, i included it and am, therefore, not remiss. i am never remiss.

you can blame this altogether to much information on the lovely and talented lilu. read some other biz here (where they aaaaall are for you! from the lilu)

and now a little blogenance: (tell me if you hate any/all of it)

i added an email subscribey thing
i added an mlb button
i added an "in case of my future death" picture
i added an awards link
i added the BECKY CLUB
i added an erin hat "my face" photo
i added a link to books i am in love with (you should totally read all of them and then tell me about it)

what's up chuck part cinq

my chuck is ridiculous, don't believe me? here's what he said. you can check out past what's up chuck riiiiight, here.

chuck's sister is about to pop a kiddo out and we found this (via this, thanks veggie!) and decided she needed it while laughing hysterically. then chuck called his mother...

chuck: i was gonna tell my mom about the nipples but then i decided she could figure that out on her own.

after having nighttime coffee and typing really fast with the ashes...

becky: i think i could totally go to sleep, but i-
chuck: and i could totally play video games, good night!
becky: i was gonna say BUT!
chuck: [singsongy] gooood niiight!
becky: but i'm all hopped up on the shakes with caffeine!
chuck: see you later. you need your rest! go get some rest!

from it's always sunny: "then they play that song from the eighties, 'Day Bow Bow.'" fruitlessly looking at houses in our price range (not a whole fucking lot)...

becky: should i send him the houses on the list? daybowbow... chick chickachika
chuck: no!
becky: well, you said that's all we can find! chick chickchickaaaah
chuck: now we're just gonna throw in some shit we don't even like. and daybowbow... beeeaaautiful

looking at another house that says it had a pool previously

chuck: it's prolly filled in and it's gonna flood...
becky: there's laws about how they have to do it!
chuck: are there laws about, daybowbow?

discussing houses/realtor

chuck: ok send him the houses! and call him!
becky: i'll talk to him in the morning.
chuck: you will call him now.
becky: i will kill you.
chuck: i will kill you and burry you in the backyard!
becky: WHAT backyard?
chuck: in our new house! *smiles brightly*

chuck pulls up the link to daybowbow to make sure we're doing it right

chuck: this is hilarious!
chuck: uuuuh! uuuuh!
chuck: watch them dancing!
chuck: look! look at charlie!
chuck: i gotta watch it again. *turns to look at me*
becky: *silent awe*

found a cool house for 84k very cool (it was a forecloser and obvioulsy sarcasm)...

chuck: we should offer eighty... fiiive.

saw gabs on twitter talking about ikea wine glasses

becky: ikea sells wine glasses?
chuck: we already have two.
becky: (giggling) when we get a table we're having more than two wine glasses.
chuck: nooo, we'll just get two plates to match the glasses

ps we do have multiple plates  
 
on the couch. chillin. cooold chillin.

chuck: i really have to pee
becky: are you pinching the tip? [i learned about tip pinching from small children in summer camp. boys=gross]
chuck: yeaaah. .. do you ever do that? *grins*
becky: i don't have a tip.
chuck: it has to come out somewhere, can't you pinch it?
becky: noooo
pauses
chuck: yeah, you can... piiinch iiiit *makes pinching motion slowly with fingers*

things i should've fotografed this week

in the past few months (year?) i take my camera everywheres. it's a habit i like because you never know when you'll miss something and if your camera phone is as bad as mine you know you're not gonna get anything off of that piece of junk. (where's my cord?) (sorry for implying your camera phone sucks) (i bet it's awesome). anywho, sometimes i don't get the shot. sometimes i'm not bold enough to camera random strangers. sometimes... FATE gets in the way. or something. these are the photos you should see when you come to my website. but you don't. they're not here. they're in the great in between. that's photo purgatory for those of you who are unaware.

the weird lady that was standing at the front of albertson's (in the lobby) the entire time i was shopping.

the adorb old man in these shoes that were adorb. picture this: black leather shoes 5 inch medicalized platforms, looked like it made it harder to walk.

my sister being a whore (it's just so hard to capture adequately on film) (ya know?)

your mother

my scars (too scared) (or mabes too scarred) (see what i did there?)

that one mole that chuck always calls a huckleberry and then i say, "i'll be your huckleberry!" in my best val kilmer accent. (it's pretty good) (i'm just sayin) (you almost can see val kilmer in my eyes) (oh, val kilmer! you're so dreamy) (in the saint) (oh, the saint!)

my awesome new tie headband that i sorta almost finished making out of chuck's old tie that he said he didn't want but when he saw i had ripped it apart, magically came up with some sort of reason why he did want it again. the HORRIBLE STAIN (pin point darkening of the material) that had been there less than twenty four hours before had become a non-issue and he was now bereft that he would have nothing to wear NEXT YEAR for boob month. ... even though he didn't even wear it this year... becuse of the stain ... it's pink and looks super hot on my head.

my dog

my dog after she pooped and kick up the grass and then wiggled like she was shaking off water and then growled and barked at the sky. i guess that's more of a video. also, it must've been quite the poop.

that one time in the morning on the way to work when the sun was coming up and the light was perfect and there was a flock of birds perfectly positioned across the sky. i took a picture but it turned out to mostly be my blurry/dirty windshield. *sad face*

---

finally, i should have taken a picture of me being super excited that BECKY! at smuk started a BECKY club for BECKYS and said we started it together EVEN THOUGH! it was all her idea because she's a genious BECKY. and i'm just a becky. a very happy becky who's happy to be in the becky club for beckys and we are sooooo becky it's not even becky. or perhaps it is. perhaps its very, very becky. you'll never know. and i'll never tell. in conclusion, my face would have been all "happy, awed disbelief with a side of BECKY!" and it would have been awesome.

ps is your name becky? let a becky know and she'll put you on the becky list made up of entirely board certified beckys. who are nice to little animals and people alike. unless that little animal was being an asshole then we'll shun him. otherwise, we'll wrap him up in a fleecey blanket and give him cuddles. here, here's a cuddle, just for you, i wrapped it up and everything. with a bow. we have HIGH standards.

filed under: things to make becky smile

getting dressed for a trip to the rainy run around place step one: tee shirt. act like it's torture to wear a tee shirt. CHECK!

step two: add tiny raincoat. act all explode-y if forced to stay still for even one second in the rainy run around place. also, look super cute. CHECK!

step three: look cute and sleepy at the same time. but so very dry and toasty. CHECK!

wish for partly cloudy with a chance of sun...

finally, get verification that the internet thinks you're perty. i've always suspected the internet was a serial killer.

done and done. what makes your inner becky smile?

ps i posted this at 11:11pm on 11/11 even though it is, in all reality, TWELVE seventeen because! it makes me smiley. AND i always change the time ANYway. win! win! AND THEN! i realized that that whole scenario didn't work because the fucking time would be for TOMORROW night. mother. fucker. i am so fucking dumb. i should really just go to bed before i hurt myself or something. it's soft in there. soft and safe.

buses. not just for school.

from my fbf post with the camper i thought about the "camper" we had here and that's how this happened. even though my dad's a jerkass, he's done some pretty neat stuff. sometimes. i submit: when we moved back to the states from italy, he bought a bus. a bus? you say? yes. a bus. and then he converted it into an RV type-a thing. he did indeed. it had beds and more beds and a table that turned into a bed and a stove and cabinets AND you could climb up on the roof and just HANG OUT! it was SO cool.

until he drove it to texas with us where it got bees in it. when i was having my, let's say 12th birthday out there, we all had to run screaming from the bus into the house where we slept in the living room. then on monday at school everyone was talking about the creepy things my mother had in the living room.

so the bus. he didn't paint the outside. no, he left the outside very bus-like. it was orangey and delicious. and people would say, "oh, the house with the bus?" and i would say, "schmessh." really softly. EVEN THOUGH! the house is like up a hill and not right on the road, for heavens sake. he could of at least put that thing in the back pasture.

another thing i just thought of? they bought a volvo in italy right before i was born that we had until i was nineteen years old. if that's not crazy i don't want to be.... wait, if that's sane i want to be crazy. right? that was right, right? ok.

anywho, the bus was a huge part of my childhood in california. we camped all over northern calif in that thing. and people stared at us camping all over calif in that thing. and my dad stared at people staring at us camping all over calif in that thing. you get the idea.

but they are def fond memories. except for all the mutal staring going on. the roof was the best part. it was flat and it was high up and IT HAD A LADDER! I KNOW! ladders are the fucking shit! i think at that age the comments about the bus at the house went over my head. it was much more noticeable then and i think you get used to the attention. i mean, a neighborhood in the hills of san fran with a huge bus in front of it? classy. true story: we trick or treated at joe montana's house every year. mostly treats because that bitch gave out FULL SIZED candy! FULL SIZED!

redwood park? much more awesome from the top of a bus. banana slugs? easier to kiss on a dare on the top of a bus. my dad? did not like to be on the top of the bus. triple. threat.

and that's the time. you found out becky's family is and always has been weird. and that's also the time that you were like damn! becky's hot in bedazzled eighties shirt and really short skirt. even when she was 12.

i updated the handwriting post! (tell me if you did/do one! PLEASE! because i wanna see it! a lot!)

i updated the TMIT guessing game! i have an uncanny ability to avoid smelly liquids being expelled from body holes! talents! *knock on wood*