one of my aunt's favorite past times was making dog biscuits. she had two little dog she got with her then possessive, bodybuilder boyfriend. they got a little fluffy white one and a little fluffy black one from the pound. he wanted to let them have puppies. she had the gumption to stall him until she could get them altered.
she loved those fluffy dogs; the white one, a male, was her favorite. she doted on him, let him do whatever he wanted and took them both on multiple daily walks around the neighborhood. all this from a lady who had been scared of dogs her entire life. after falling in love with the fluffy pair she changed her mind to being "only scared by BIG dogs." thank you tonka for changing her mind on that silly notion. they went through some rough times together but when she finally left the orange bodybuilder (spray tan much?), they came with her and she was happy with the results.
she had paintings of the two, she let the black one, the female lick her make-up off every night. shudder. eww. gross. i freak out if one of mine just lick their chops incessantly. WHY DO THEY DOOOO THAT? it's like they know it's annoying. during the last year of my aunt's life, her new dog would lick, lick, lick any exposed part of her body. i would feel so guilty telling him to stop but HOLY JESUS! STOPITSTOPITSTOPIT! "no, you didn't do anything wrong, mary. it's just the dog. he's licking." "that's bad?" she asked innocently. "well, he's not bad but i hate the sound. is that ok?" apologizey face. she would always say that it was ok and then sneakily get him to start licking again. except it wasn't sneaky, she just forgot. she really loved that dog.
she started making dog biscuits with the fluffy twins and never looked back. she made them for our family dog when i was little, she made them for her friends at work and she kept her own dogs stocked. she taught my sister and i how to make them when she came to visit us from phoenix. we were preeeetty excited about it. we made the dough, we rolled it out and then we got really excited about the little doggy bone cutouts she brought with her. it was pretty super.
not only did we get to stuff every dog in sight with our delicious peanut butter doggy bones but she also left us the recipe AND THE LEETLE BONE COOKIE CUTTER! highfive, chestbump, knuckles, booooyeah! best aunt ever! we were set. for life! all we needed were the ingredients of which we had an almost endless supply. flour? check! chicken broth? check! saltbakingsodaeggsetc? checkcheck!
about a month after mary left, we were out of biscuits and we were pretty excited (again). my sister and i were going to make the hell outta some doggie bones. we gathered our ingredients, our bowls, our numerous spoons, our infallible spirits and began the delicate process. we got up to the part where every thing was in the bowl and it looked almost good enough to eat but then again, chicken flavored flour with raw eggs, not really my cup of tea.
however, my brother wasn't aware of the flavoring involved in our bakery concoction. in fact, he didn't even know we had the power to treat dogs to snacks. he walked in the kitchen with his older brother i know everything attitude and jammed his hand in the bowl, withdrawing his hand with a big dollop of batter, hardly believing his good luck. my sister and i merely watched, partly shocked and partly in anticipation. what would happen? would he spit it out? would he throw it back? would he sniff it to test its edibility?
nope, he shoved the ill gotten booty in his mouth. the whole thing. he had a huge grin on his face. he was proud of himself. he thought he had won. as he chewed our faces transitioned from anticipation to triumph. as he chewed his face transitioned from triumph to confusion to horror and then swiftly to denial. he would not admit he was eating something gross. he said, "hmm, what is this?"
"DOG BISCUITS!" we both shouted together, "FOR DOGS!"
i have to give my brother credit, it's one thing to hate people because they are always the favorite, the only boy, a kid who everyone thinks is attractive, nice, funny but the thing with my brother that you can never really argue is that he just is all of those things. you cannot fault someone who is genuinely a good guy. what a bastard. can you even guess what he said?
"i knew it. chicken broth?" and the dude swallowed the huge wad of chickeny dog batter, all the while smiling his irrepressible smile.
i couldn't decide which picture to post because they were both so cute... and no, it's not the same picture twice. chuck. *ahem* anywho, isn't this the best trick ever? i know, right? pants is the consummate model. she's got style, class and knows exactly when to eat the treat; all packed into nine pounds of furry. speaking of which, did you see the new dog page? it's pretty neat. o.
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