trust

so, i tried to do the payroll for everyone because it was that time again (and it's part of my job). it said my password was incorrect. i tried various passwords i use regularly and nothing worked. then i attempted to figure it out by hitting the "forgot your password?" link. this resulted in a message that if i was having trouble, contact my employer. i thought, "well i will." assuming that something had been reset or whatever.

my boss shows up at the appointed time and i asked her about it. she says, "oh yeah, i did that." pause. "i figured i'd just do it... since i'm in there all the time.... if that's cool with you." very nonchalantly, if that's cool with you. well, it kind of has to be doesn't it? you locked me out didn't you? what is my contribution to this "decision???" yeah.

this is after i've been turning in the hours to her from the beginning. and adding up extra kennel hours and subtracting all the various foods and meds and services that employees get. i've done this almost since we'd started. she even has been urging me to get more involved. then she got me an account on the online payroll service. then i would do the checks and she would approve them. then she said, "i don't need to approve them anymore." we did that for about a month until today, when i was locked out.

i know they shouldn't be but my feelings are hurt. there was no explanation, i don't think i did anything wrong. i'm too hurt right now to ask about it without crying (pathetic, i know). i will ask tomorrow. i'm the type of person who cries easily, sadly. nobody knows about it because i leave before anything happens. there will be no talking though. only sudden urges to leave very quickly to do something. "is that my pager? coming!"

via text chuck says to tell her now because, if i did nothing wrong, why did she do that? i just don't think i can without losing major ground.