calming conversations

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the other night i was trying to entice chuck into the boudoir. i had on underpants with no cheek coverage (wiggles eyebrows). and i said, "don't you want to come to bed?" while looking over my shoulder and wiggling my cheekless panties (which was way more sexy than that last sentence implied). and he said, "oh no! you have a spot on your underpants." and i was all like, "i'm wearing a thon- i don't even have any- dammit!" he was laughing and said, "ahahahaha, it's a mole!" "yes i know it's a mole. now get in here!" i said menacingly.

he also cracked up when on scrubs elliot was known as mole butt in JD's list of girlfriends past. i believe he said, "that's yooooou!" and i have to confirm, it's the sexy kind not the hair growing out of it kind.

speaking of my butt, i have a nice one. one that someone feels the need to smack all the time. which is fine. it's sometimes fun and obviously flattering (what? it's not? yes, it is!). i was wearing a THIN pair of yoga pants and chuck smacked the hell out of my ass. "oh my god! ouch!" i said. "what? i do that all the time." he says, rather smiley and innocent. "gD! that hurt!" rubbing said ass, "you've never done it that hard before. be careful! never before!" and he comes back with, "maybe i'm getting stronger." so i, of course, absolving all sin, laugh at that absurd comment.

also? this very morning he said, in regards to my butt (tying it in people), "you're too old for cats on your underwear." my panties have a cute little black cat that says bad kitty under it. they're awesome and just so's you know, i'll wear them until i die. or chuck hides them. or (the soon to be interviewed) matilda rips them up (she's a dog, not an underwear ripping person). or they get a hole in the crotchal section. just sayin'.

i thought of something else! speaking of buttz, chuck's butt has been hurting. he's unsure if he has hemorrhoids or if he's just so old his butt is falling off slash out slash apart. he won't let me look. is it weird that i would? i'm a nurse for chrissakes! (for furry animalz). anyshoozle, we were driving somewhere and he says, "my butt still hurts." i say something soothing like, "i can't help you if you won't let me touch it look at it!" he looks over at me out of the corner of his eyes, "you haven't been putting large sticks in there while i'm sleeping have you?" why yes, yes i have, now that you mention it, i say in my head while laughing. "cuz that's what it feeeeels like," he says all manly and strong and sexy.

*cheekless madonna