chuck, sex, icy hotness (TMIT)

a tradition, nay a weekly national holiday devised by lilu. all the TMIs are apparently here for your viewing pleasure. my latest foray into the awesomely bad TMI. here goes...

chuck is old. his body is literally falling apart. and he works with a computer all day (who doesn't?). his forearm is always "sore." he asked me to put icyhot on his forearm one night. he has four arms? no, forearm is a term that means the bottom part of your arm, silly. so he was holding his hand up so the icyhot wouldn't get on the sheets. chuck said, "hee, look my hand vein is sticking out." and i said, "ooh, veiny" and rubbed icyhot on it. i also "accidentally" put some on his nipple. and then he said, "why are you smiling?"

i washed my hands of the iciness and came back to bed. chuck was doing something over there moving all around. i said, "my hand is burning." chuck said, "i was gonna let you touch my penis, but not if it has icyhot on it." famous last words. i said, "i don't think it's really on there, it's just seeped into my pores a little." "no hands," he says.

we start getting down to biz. someone's hand is in something. it wasn't mine. it's going well. and then. "uuhm... i thinkthere'sicyhotonyourhand!" i jump forward. it just feels weird, it'll be fine. then i get on top.

do you know what icyhot feels like? you know you put it on. it smells like minty fabulous. then you rub it in some more until it's all the way absorbed into the skin, almost. then you're sitting there and then bam! it hits you. "ooo, icy," you say. then the burning comes and your muscles relax into hotness. aaahh.

i'm on the top. his hands are on my waist. we rock it out. there might have been more hand action on my shtuff. and voila! bang goes the dynamite.

we arrange ourselves once again for nighttime sleeps. and my vag is burning. and my waist is burning and my VAG is BURNING!!!! but what am i to do? you can't really wash off icyhot once it's burning. he comes back to bed. "my balls feel weird... my peeps feels weird." and i say, "huh. wonder what THAT could have been? i told you it was on your hand!"

and that's the time. chuck got an STD.