questioning and evaluation

because the wildly popular "i'll go eat worms" blog has gotten, wildly popular. the fans decided that an interview was in order. so, the fans asked the awesomely awesome Miss. Chief to interview the wildly popular. and it was great. no, really! check it out. it is as follows in it's off the cuff, totally real, no-holds-barred entirety.

does becky love pretzels? will she give you five dollars? what happened in her lurid love affair with edward norton? these questions and many more are finally answered below...

Miss.chief: What is up with you and sunglasses? And part two - what are polarized sunglasses, exactly?
mylittlebecky: nothing! why? what have you heard? we're just friends. we've known each other since middle school. he sat next to me in algebra. we used to make out behin- i've said too much.
in regards to part two, polarized sunglasses are sunglasses manufactured in antarctica. the polar bears test them extensively and pass the benefits on to you. i mean, whens the next time you're gonna kill a seal while wearing sunglasses? huh? that's what i thought, pussy. these sunglasses are killing-a-cute-baby-seal tuff.*
MC: Who wears short shorts?

mlb**: let's see, my yoga teacher, my sister (she's classy), your sister (she smells funny), peter griffin, this gal:

unsee that!

MC: Remember that dog that had an extra bum hole with maggots in it? gross! why did you ever write about that? i can't unknow that! it's burned into my mind's eye forever! and it hurts because burns hurt a lot! What the hell?

mlb: yes, i do remember that. it was a rough patch in my career. i was doing a lot of cocaine, meth, and more cocaine. those were the days. i didn't even know where my bum hole was let alone some butt whore of a dog. she brought it on herself, man. i had nothing to do with it. man, i wish i had some cocaine.
MC: What are the top three things that annoy you more than anything? And try to make your answer to this one rhyme, please.

mlb: you know when you get a piece of popcorn like just sitting beyond reach on the side of your esophagus and you almost make yourself throw-up trying to get that bastard out? i love that.

and you know when you wake up and your boyfriend is pooping in the toilet? i work with cats.

finally, you know when people suck? i'm up to bat.
MC: What is the meaning of "poop in a cup"? I require at least three full sentences for this answer. Good luck.
mlb: i thought this was an interview about me, not some sort of test referring to my vast knowledge of biblical times. let me take you back to biblical times. the bible is a book, written by some guys, who really liked or perhaps disliked, baby jesus. because, let's face it, i think they killed him when he got into his holier than thou early thirties. that guy was annoying. always walking on things that shouldn't be walked on, what is up with that biz?

you see, in biblical times they didn't have toilets. they had to use cups or, as they were called, in biblical times, buckets. no. latrines? holes in the ground? aha! chamber pots (i had to scrunch my face into my thinking face to get that one. but, obviously, i got it.).
MC: oh, and here is a photo of my cat. she let me put my t-shirt on her for a mothers day present. isn't that sweet?

mlb: i feel this was directed at me. i am, as we all know, in addition to being a poo expert, i am a cat expert. and in my expert opinion and great knowledge slash understanding slash expertness, i do believe that this is clearly cat torture. akin to alighting one on fire. with gasoline. please remove said shirt before i am forced to call the authorities. thank you.

shortly after the interview, mlb*** took off all her clothes, got up on MC's pretty, wooden, lacquered, professional, for-reals-late-night-talk show desk and fell asleep with a bottle of cocaine (that's how the kids are doing it these days). MC reported that she is still in awe of the hotness that is mlb's rack.

*you know it's tough, when it's spelled tuff.

**mlb does not stand for major league baseball as you previously thought, it stands for mylittlebecky and that's a lot cooler than major league baseball. i know, i've been to a game before. it was not good. it was boring and hot. while mylittlebecky is hot but never boring.

***this actually stands for major league baseball