pee peezz in the hamper (TMIT)

as mentioned previously (pay attention, y'all!) i lived in a lot of places (joke's on you guys though, i don't think i mentioned that part, ha!) and one those places was caaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaalifornia where the wind comes sweeping down the plain sun shines happy on your face (i should write a musical, right?). anywhooo, i lived there and i was frickin the best thing ever.*

how i love thee, califournyee! i lived in the bay area. the land of milk and cookies and love and rainbows and tiny kitties that say "meew" in a really tiny little kitty voice. they just give them away free when you get off the plane in see aye. and you're like, "but i'm allergic to kittehs." and they say, "oh, no! these are hypoallergenic kittens! they're made entirely of rainbow hair and bunny boogies. both completely inert substances." and you're like, "nose boogies? are inert? highly unlikely, sir!" next, comes the knife fight.

i loved the whole entire thing. i even had a tiny first grade boyfriend! gasp! i thought that chuck was your first! don't worry, the farthest we ever got was kissies. aaron was a slammin hottie. he was the hottest first grade boy in the first grade. hawt.

we were the talk of the town. of the TOWN! we would go out to harmonia gardens restaraunt and paint the town red! oh, wait that was barbra streisand. i'm on a musical kick, eh? nobody's ever seen hello dolly!, becky. my sister has! maybe that's why she's such a whore.

so, there was a fair at our school and i have a picture of me and aaron holding snakes together. however, my MOTHER SUCKS because she's all busy with "things" and "couldn't find it." so you can blame the lack of first grade cuteness on her! where was i? ah, yes! aaron and i getting ohwan. we had several "play dates" if you will. rrroawr. and one time, we were at his house, hanging out, the yooj. he was up on the roof, showing off. he was such a little daredevil for me! i swoon for boys who climb on roofs. (tip for first grade boys to get with adorable first grade girls=the roof).

i distinctly remember seeing his cute little face up there and him saying, "look at meee!" i was duly impressed. obv. then i said, uh-oh! in my head. while his face is clear and the rest of the story is clear, i'm really not sure what exactly happened next. there was a bathroom emergency. i rushed inside to the bathroom.

now, what should i do with the soiled underpants? a cold sweat broke out all over my entire body. what do i do? flush them down the toilet. hmmm, no good. i'm uncomfortable with the flushability of said panties. my first grade mind was working overtime trying to solve this conundrum. think, think, think.

shining in the corner, there it is, shining. aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! shiiiiiiiiine! the most awesomest hamper in all the land. where does dirty laundry go, first grade becky? in the hamper, silly! why didn't i think of that? that's right, i did because i'm a geeeeenious!

the fact that these people currently don't own a first grade girl never crossed my mind. first grade boys wear undie panties with flowers on them, right? maybe aaron's gay. who knows. not me. i chucked those babies in the hampa and went back out to play. sans undies. stayin' classy in first grade.

and that's the time. my mom had an uncomfortable conversation. with aaron's mom.



*yes, i'm aware that not everything is the best thing ever which denotes one thing. whatever, i'm a free spirit, assfaces! why you gotta all go and be assfaces? golly gee willickers!

you can blame this altogether to much information and the lovely talented lilu and read some other biz here (where they aaaaall are for you! from the lilu)