awkwardness in and on vacation (tmit)

so, as previously mentioned i may OR MAY NOT have gone on a little thing the kids are calling a "vacation." and on this alleged vacation, there was a lady called "i am a really annoying lady who will make your lovely chuck uncomfortable." it's a nineteen fifties name. anywho. she lives in the garage apartment and takes care of the house and my grandmother when she's there in the summer. pretty sweet job. pays no rent. grandma's gone most of the time. has an extra car.... i should look into this whole montana thing.

moving onward. the very first morning we were there, chuck went upstairs early because he's a fucking fucker who has to wake up fucking early on fucking vacation. fucking morning people. i love him so much. then i had to drag my ass up there to eat with him because i didn't want to throw him to the proverbial dogs. when i arrived, chuckers had that, "i have something to teeeell you" look on his facey.

we had a private conference. apPAREntly, the house keeper had spoken with him about the trash. she said to him, a person she had met HOURS before, who had NO RELATION to the lady in question, that "sometimes jean (my grandmother) throws away her depends and it can get smelly. and she won't tell you. it just needs to be taken out in the morning."

mouth dropped onto floor. embarrassment commences. does what i'm about to say sound awful and bratty? what the HELL IS HER JOB? for reals. she could have AT LEAST tried to pawn it off on me! we're AT LEAST! related! but no! she tells chuck. the rest of the vacation was spent trying to get me and chuck (mostly chuck) to go to the dump (since banana wanted to know) with her. it finally ended when my grandma said that nobody wanted to go to the dump with her and she better just do it herself. it sounds bratty and awful. but if it were MY job! i would not try to RUIN other people's vacations talking about trash. and old lady poo.

that's nothing compared to what had already happened at home.

in warning, i just threw up a little in my mouth (not really. just in my head. see this post and ensuing comment.) while thinking about telling you about this biz. chuck and i go swimming at my grandmother's house in texas. she has a pool. that's why we go swimming there. she has two bathrooms in her house that we shower off in after the poolio. chuck uses the main bathroom and i use my grandma's. it's usually littered with towels and clothes. she's not very tidy. she also has a bidet. and we all know her "situation" from above. losing the grip.

one time i went in there and said (to the dogs), "come on! come in here! in HERE! jesus christ! what are you doing? get in here! we're taking a shower! for reals. this is my serious voice! get! in! here!" well one of the dogs was already in there. and i turned after shutting the door after the asshole who hadn't bean* listening to me. and the other un was licking something on the bathroom floor. hmm, what could she be lic- holy shiiiiiit! that's- oh god! holy lord! STOP IT! stopitstopitstopitstopit. ewewewewewewewwewewewewweeeeeeeew!

deep breath. she was. licking something that had come from my grandmother and should have bean* in the trash or the toilet OR HER GRANDMA BUTT!

god, that was freeing. i didn't even tell chuck that story. i was traumatized.

you can blame this altogether to much information and the lovely talented lilu and read some other biz here (where they aaaaall are for you! from the lilu)