"I’ve never had a threesome" (tmit) by chiefee

and so it begins. today is the day that will live in infamy. in a world without becky, we will all cry. oh noes, don't cry because it's guest pee time! it's guest pee time, it's guest pee time! NOT where guests will be peeing on you! where guests are coming here to POST things. from their heads on my blog because they love me, they really love me (i assume)! i warned you it would happen.

first up! cheifee from chiefee's blog about indians. no? ok, about bossy tattooed harlots! no? fine! about a girl who's in love with a boy who's a "doctor" who lives with at least one cat and a couple-a kids and a walk-in closet/office. they're very happy and funny and cute. speaking of which she sent me a sexy picture that is now my desktop image will be shared with you all and it's very sexy because this post is about the sex. oooo!

without further blathering i give you, the chief:

HI! HI EVERYBODY!! My name is not really Miss. Chief but you can call me Miss. Chief because I’m not going to tell you my real name, that’s just silly. This is the internet, people!

My blog is called misschiefsblog.com – yeah I paid the ten bucks for my own domain name, you got a problem with that? You probably don’t. I’m very sensitive about my domain, I guess.

I’m guest blogging up in here, because my little becky is rad, and is on some kind of vacation somewhere fancy, I bet. I wish I could housesit her dogs and just spray them with dog perfume all day long and laugh and laugh when they try to rub it off on the carpet. Oh, man, dogs are awesome.

Right. So Becky asked me to be here and write a guest post and this is my first time writing in somebody else’s blog. It’s intimidating. What if you don’t like me? Then what? Will you stop liking Becky?Because, hey, any friend of Becky’s is a friend of yours. Until the friend writes a boring blog post. Then you hate us both. It’s very logical.

So, for future reference, writing a blog post on somebody else’s blog is scary.

(here comes the segue into threesomes)

(TWSS)

Speaking of things that are scary, how about those threesomes? Eh? Eh?

I remember the one time when…

Err…

Well, there was that one time that…

Uhhh…

Oh, that’s right, I’ve never had one before

*record scratch noise*

I know, I know. You just can’t believe it.

Shocker! (ha)

It’s true. I don’t know if knowing that makes you feel that I’m a respectable lady or a prudish loser or what.

Let me explain; it’s not like the opportunity hasn’t presented itself. It was just always in the wrong place, at the wrong time, and with the (EXTREMELY) wrong people asking me.

Like “Wuzzuuup baby, you lookin’ fine. What time you get off work? My girl thinks you’re so sexy”

Or “WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Hey girls! Make out a little for me! Come on! I’ll join in! WOOOOOO!” (takes a hit from a beer bong) “You girls are drunk! KISS!” (slaps my friend’s ass) “My friend’s dad owns this place, we could all go upstairs! YAAAAAAAAAAH “(falls on face and passes out in own vomit)

Or “hey, I just finished all my heroin for the night, and me and the girl who slept with your boyfriend last week are going into that room with the mattress on the floor, wanna CUM? Get it? Double entendre!”

(but actually they were too stupid and uneducated to even know what a double entendre is, which is like number one on my criteria of things people need to know before I would ever even consider having a threesome with them, because how else are you supposed to refer to your sexy times later on in a joking manner?)

“uhh, naah, I’m just gonna finish this can of stale beer and ride my bicycle home at 2am, it’s cool” is what I’d say usually, because that’s how I used to roll. (literally! AHAAA BICYCLES ROLL, GET IT?)

One time in 2007 I went on an exchange program through my university here in Canada to a university in Xalapa, Mexico. I had three roommates while I was there, and we got to know each other pretty well in the four months we lived together, so it was no surprise when, on a girl’s weekend away to a little rainy beach town, the topic of sexual encounters came up.

We had a bunch of wine and nothing to do that evening but gossip like a bunch of hens about shoes and nail polish, or whatever chicks talk about. You know, chick stuff. And once we were drunk enough, we started with the over-sharing.

I was the oldest of all the exchange students; I had my 25th birthday there. Everybody else was in their second year of university, and were around 20 or 21.

I thought I would have something to contribute to this conversation. And I did, I guess. Sex in public places, fun positions, you know, that kind of thing.

Some of the stuff that came up was mind-boggling, though, really. Can you please explain how somebody can have sex in an airplane? I’m not talking the regular mile-high bathroom thing. I’m talking IN THE SEAT BESIDE SOMEONE without being caught! I don’t get it. My working theory is that she sat in his lap for a while and it was dark and the other person was in a coma and all the employees were in the back smoking a joint or having a nap or both at the same time somehow.

Some of the stories sounded wonderful – doing it beside a waterfall in the rainforest? Straight out of a romance novel or something!

Then the dreaded subject of threesomes/group sex came up.

Oh my gosh, some of those girls are dirrrrrty!

One of my roommates walked into an orgy by accident and instead of the awkward “oh, uh, sorry” backwards-walking-out-of-the-room thing I would have done, she was like “let’s get it on!” and dove right in.

Another one decided to indulge in that stupid fantasy everybody’s boyfriend seems to have about doing it with his girlfriend and her friend. She said it was ok but kind of awkward.

We were going around the circle telling stories and when my turn came up I totally drew a blank. I believe I said something like “One time my friend’s boyfriend was making out with my friend in a bed and I was sitting on the same bed watching t.v. and he tried to hold my hand”

I was shunned. Nobody wanted to share with me anymore because how could I, an inexperienced child possibly understand their adult conversation?

Now, I’m not saying I’d even be into anything like that. In fact, group sex in general just sounds awkward and more of a thing to do when you’re young to gain bragging rights, or when you’re bored with your life in some way and want to do something to break out of your shell.

meh

To me, it seems like to most people it’s just something to check off of a checklist; the “Things I’ve had sex with” list.

It was a defining moment in my life, that day in the drafty hotel room. It was the first time I was the biggest prude in the room (that I knew of, anyway).

It felt okay.

And there you have it, ladies and germs.

A little piece of Miss. Chief’s history.

If you hated it, please don’t blame Becky. If you liked it then c’mon over to my blog and see what else I’ve got going on over there. (I can’t get enough of this shameless self-promotion. What can I say)

Peace out, y’all

Miss. C

as per the yooj, you can blame this altogether to much information and the lovely talented lilu and read some other biz here (where they aaaaall are for you! from the lilu)