"Jill Pilgrim Will Grab Your Penis, And Other Truths About Life." (tmit) by jill! eeee!

in a world without becky, we will all cry. oh noes, don't cry because it's guest pee time! it's guest pee time, it's guest pee time! NOT where guests will be peeing on you! where guests are coming here to POST things. from their heads on my blog because they love me, they really love me (i assume)! i warned you it would happen.

and now, my friends, we have the jill from the pilgrim congress. oh my jesus, is this is the gal that is the funny. she is like spit in your milk hilarious. if i could make out with her i totally, totally would and not because the guy sitting next to us says, "oooh, you guys should totally make out because that would be totally hot because you're both girls and when girls make out i like that." i would make out with her because i was drunk and i totally get really super totally handsy when i drink. jill? drinking date? soon? yes? sounds good. for reals, she makes me want to weep with laughter and ... make out.... with... some... one....

it's that time again! time for tmit time, again! i give you funny, funny, smiley, adorable, my future life partner (it's gonna be a foursome) and secret long distance new england lover, jill with her hilariousnessosity:

What’s up Becky’s readers? How are you doing this fine Thursday? Crying about Becky’s absence? Me too. Lets try to comfort each other with laughter. Laughter at my expense.

So, want to hear the most embarrassing thing that ever happened to me, ever, in the existence of me living, ever? You do? Great! Lets get started then.

It was the first week of my freshman year in college. My calc class had just ended and I was walking out of the building. As I’m walking out, the most gorgeous senior was walking in.

Let me pause here to share a little fact with you. When I am in the presence of attractive men, its like my brain and limbs stop working. I essentially have a stroke. Its quite unfortunate. Okay back to our story.

So, this gorgeous senior holds the door for me and smiles. Now, I am thinking to myself, “Holy Jesus! He is so cute! Okay, Jill, smile, look nonchalant, but friendly, say hi when you pass,” and then that thought was cut short because I was suddenly falling. Now my thoughts sound more like this, “Holy SHIT! I am frigging falling! Dear God, I am so frigging awkward! Must.Grab.Something.Break.Fall.” So, I reach out to grab the door handle, and Glory Be To Jesus, I make contact. Hmm, but that’s not a door knob. In fact this feels rather squishy and ball like. And then the screaming began. Not my screams mind you, but the screams of the gorgeous guy holding the door for me. It seems I grabbed his testicles to break my fall. That will teach him to be nice to a freshman!

Well, the screaming prompts me to release my death grip on his balls and I fall to the ground. Like sprawled on the ground. Like this.




But guess what?! It gets worse! Because I was wearing a very short skirt, and being the slutty freshman that I was, a thong. So, my ass? Totally hanging out. And there were people. Oh, the people! People behind me waiting to get out of the building. People in front of me trying to get in the building. And the silence? Deafening. If Jesus had any mercy he would have just given me a massive heart attack right then and put me out of my misery. But, instead, Jesus is an ass who revels in my humiliation. Damn Him!

Well, since it appeared that I wasn’t going to die, I slowly got up, tried to avoid making eye contact with anyone and slowly cursed my mother. Because that bitch is totally responsible for my lack of coordination.

The end.