exclamation point (tmit)

disclaimer: even though i said vaginspert in the picture pictured above, this is in no way a sexy post. this is a period post. if reading about my menstrual flow is sickening to you. i suggest you leave. "abandon hope all ye who enter here." pansies.

periods suck. they suck hard. there's blood pouring out of your body. there's cramps in your uterus. there's ovaries squenching and stabbing your liver. those bitches are bitches. if you can't tell, my uterus is currently plotting a hostile takeover of the beckadel.

and when you say, "stop yer fuckin whining becky! every woman, since the beginning of time, above five has a period!" i'll counter with, "i don't think eve had a period! in the garden of eden? there's periods? noooo. and even if she did, you know it was, like, bubble gum flavored and shit. eve didn't have to suffer until she fucked it all up. then! blood everywhere! blood and sin! but this isn't a religious class. no. this is tmit. let's do it.

my period cup is, seriously, the best thing ever. i'm serious. for reals. i don't know why you're making that face!

periods? gross

tampons? gross.

pads? super gross.

moon cup?* the balls! i mean, the name? vomit. the fact that there's going to be period blood in there? vomit, vomit. BUT YOU KNOW WHAT? you just shoved a jumbo ballpark sized wad of cotton up there! i really don't see the diff! is it because you enjoy ripping dry cotton out of your vag? because to me? that's the worst thing ever. i am anti-pulling giant wads of cotton out of my sexy orifices. ANTI! pulling a giant wad of bloody OFTEN SMELLY of cotton the width of my wrist out of there and having it swing around above the water flinging PERIOD BLOOD all over EVERYTHING! is not my idea of a fun filled afternoon. feel me?

so what happens when the cup's pulled out? well, there's a little silacone cup full of blood. i, per comments on cup related sites, like to do this in the shower. then you clean the cup with soap and water. and you know what? i only have to do this twice a day. tops. tampons? sometimes i'd have to change them like every hour. fuckin tampons can go to hell!

also: something, something, something... it's better for the environment and future children and it's a lot less expensive than tampons and you clean it in boiling water (i use the microwave! *happy clap*). something, something, something.

so, yeah. there's a silacone cup. there's emptying of the cup twice a day and then. done. i don't feel it, i don't think about it, it doesn't leak. i am in love with a cup and it's name is henry. no, i'm just kidding. i didn't name my cup. that would be weird. you're weird.

and that's why she calls it TMIT. because it's TOO MUCH information. it's not exactly the right amount of information. if it were exactly the right information then you'd be like, "thanks for that exactly the right amount of information!" and you wouldn't be like "holy moley! i didn't want to know that, that's waaay too much information!"

well, that and then we'd have to use the acronym "ETRAOI" and that's just clunky. we don't really appreciate clunky and or the right amount of information we like superfluous information that makes us almost vomit and or laugh. i mostly like to laugh. the vomit's just a lucky bonus.

*if/when you go to that site. please, please, please don't imagine me painting with and or watering my plants with anything that i find in the cup. i don't do that. i super duper promise. now you wanna check out the site, doncha?

you can blame this altogether to much information on the lovely and talented lilu. read some other biz here (where they aaaaall are for you! from the lilu)