people who don't wear deodorant get no sympathy from people who do wear deodorant, like becky (tmit)

this is a classic becky story from school. i've done a school post before. i've seen some things man. i've done some thing man. animals have souls.

anywho, this school story is about a chick who refused to wear deodorant on principle. well, i don't know if it involved principles, i never got close enough to ask her (she smelled a lot) BUT it is a fact that she did not wear any anti-smell devices in her axillary region. none. at. all. nothing.

how do i know this? was i all up in her pits? was i constantly pit checking people to see if they smelled of flowers and baby powder deodorant? did we have a lesbian affair during which i, after shaving her pits for her, noted her complete lack of pittal hygiene products in the med cab? NO! if you stood downwind of this chick you could smell the BO.

let me say that again: if you stood downwind of this chick YOU COULD SMELL THE PITTAGE STANK (which incidentally is what i googled to get the pit pic above. full circle). point is, this girl seemingly had no need or want to smell nice or ever wash her stanky areas, ever. i assume.

which, conveniently enough, brings me to the REAL story. ok. so dogs have glands. two of those glands are in the buttal region of the dog. these two glands are called anal glands. they contain a noxious oily liquid ranging from pasty to runny. 99% of being in the veterinary business relies on something to do with anal glands. remember that, five year old sally who wants to become a dog doctor. never forget that, sally. anal. glands.

naturally, we had to learn to "express" the anal glands because sometimes they need to be emptied manually with your hands. well, not your hands. my hands. well, just like two fingers. BACK ON TRACK! our class, that day was expression of anal glands and then filling them back up again with soothing antibiotic lotion. sounds like a day at the spa!

pit girl was in class with me. assisting the class was bryan. bryan, as you might have gathered, was the assistant to the teacher. he is like the nicest guy ever. he's just so sweet and laid back and really great teacher ('s assistant). he was standing with me (5 years in the vet biz, i already knew how to express in my sleep with one arm tied behind my back), my friend marissa (knows the basic idea. not an idiot) and pittie. so i say, "you guys go, i'll be fine." and marissa steps up to it. gets 'er done and steps back to let pittie have a go.

up she gets. she sticks her finger in the dog's ass. then she says, "i can't feel it!" and proceeds to get all up in that dogs ass. her face, inches away from the squirty holes. bryan is nervous. he says something like, "eeeerrhm..." BECAUSE when you are expressing anal glands, literally ANYthing can happen. oily, fishy, ass juice can AT ANY MOMENT go squirting anywhere. therefore, a smart person, a person who has ALREADY listened to lectures about techniques regarding proper expressal and has AN OUNCE of sense in their stinky armpits puts a paper towel (or something equally absorbent) in front of the holes that the juice is going to come out of. you would think. but this girl has no respect for the stank.

recap: pit's finger in dog ass, face inches away from exit chutes. bryan nervously hovering like a mother hen wondering if he should jump on this dog's ass like a grenade about to blow... hesitates ONE second too long (i'm giggling maniacally while typing this next part) and KABLAM! anal juices explode all over her face! and not even in a good way. it's just so spectacularly funny. bryan is simply distraught. he says (and i'm not even kidding here), "nooooooo!" and has the most valiant and horrified look on his face. i begin to try to hold back my smile and almost undeniable laughter. because, hey, laughter is the best medicine.

that's not even the best part.

pittie, none too fazed says, "aaaww..." and grabs the paper towel off the table. the paper towel that marissa had already used to catch her prize. almost completely saturated with anal juices. bryan, still shell shocked tries to snatch the towel before she RUBS IT AAAAAAAALL OVER HER FACE! and under her eyes and across her lips. he finally wrestles it away from her and tells her to head to the bee-room. she goes, begrudgingly. and we just stand back and giggle.

bryan, "ohmygodyouguys. did you SEE that?" *shakes head while looking scandalized*
becky, "now you believe me when i tell you she stinks??"

and that's the time becky went to school and laughed at a dirty girl who was dirty.

you can blame this altogether to much information on the lovely and talented liluand read some other biz here (where they aaaaall are for you! from the lilu)