fun with vomit! wait, is vomit ever NOT fun? (tmit)

last monday was ruff. this happened (above). because of this (below).

but mostly because of this little shithead

what. a. furry. little. asshole.*

so i thought i'd share some of my favorite vomity doggy stories. score for you, right? right? if day practice in veterinary medicine is all about anal glands? pay attention little sally "i want to be a veterinarian" morton! emergency veterinary medicine is aaaaaaaall about vomiting. vomiting. vomiting. vomiting.

"why is my dog vomiting?" "how long has your dog been vomiting?" "what is in the vomit?" "what color is the vomit?" "did you bring the vomit with you in a little bag to show us the vomit?" eeee! *happy clap!*

we're all about the vomit. and my favorite is: "can we make your dog vomit?" obviously, the one and only answer anyone will want to give ever is, "yes, please!" although usually not that nicely. so when i left my little asshole dogs home alone and not in their designated "houses" FOR TEN MINUTES! and i came home to a whiney dog, with odd behavior i didn't quite get the connection at first and didn't know how much fun i was about to have otherwise i would have been a lot more excited.

yeah, i thought the other one somehow got into the chocolate after we got home and so into the bathroom we went. and proceeded with vomit induction. mmmmm, vomit induction. i was very calm and understanding and loving, pleasant even, while shaking her and watching her finally vomit in the bath tub. "i'm sorry you're such a little dumbass, dear." *loving smile and pat*

just when i thought it was over. i exited the bathroom. i spied another pile of vomit. and i said, "whaaaa....?" turns out the asshole pictured above was the one who had pilfered the chocolate (ps i'm a firm believer in the fact that the chocolate being within reach of those little bastards was COMPLETELY my fault. bad, bad, bad! becky).

that's just about the time that i lost my "cool." this is wear i thought, FUCK! she's gonna die! they're both gonna die! and it's my fault. FUCK! jesus christ! why did i leave them out and now they're gonna die. and i got my serious panic face on my face. and threw that little fucker in the tub after i started to the vomity cascade. i ran out to the vomit carpet. i sucked that up with the most awesome invention ever, the bissel little green wet vac thingy. if you have ever spilled anything ever, you need that thing. if you have an asshole dog you need like seven.

yadda yadda yadda... she didn't die. and the other one didn't die and they both vomited a few more times, whined all day AND peed on the floor. twice. i want to stress [brace yourself: coming up is something i couldn't leave out and probably going to annoy you] that if your dog eats chocolate and you don't happen to have 9 years of veterinary experience PLEASE do something about it and PLEASE at least call a clinic and PLEASE don't think you can solve this yourself. they can die. period. i know, now it's like a double period. actually triple.

speaking of "experience" my favorite kind of vomit at the emergency clinic is the chocolate vomit. one time this dog was yarfing all over the place and i came back to the treatment area and i said, "mmmm, where's the hot chocolate? did we get hot chocolate again? i thought we were out?" dog barf. it's good for the soul. goes well with marshmallows.

*what else did that remind you of? you're gross.

you can blame this altogether to much information on the lovely and talented lilu. read some other biz here (where they aaaaall are for you! from the lilu)