one of these things ain't like the other (tmit)

UPDATE! well. fine then. you all think aaaaall of them are true? HA! got you good, fuckers! number THREE is the ONLY true one! as i've said to several people, i have an uncanny ability to avoid smelly liquids. knock on wood.


ok. tmit. let's do it! i thought i'd "mix it up" and "think outside the box" and "put the pedal to the medal*!" ya know?

so what are you going to do becky? what? what is it? what could it be? what could be so becktastical that it might come close to competing with previous tmits? i'll tell you what! three four things. all tmi. not all really truly real. which is shining light of unicorn trueness and which is a vile and evil lie? it could be any it could be all it could be none.

1) i've had ringworm. a lot. i've had it on my hand, on my arm, on my face and even up my right nostril. i bet you didn't know that when you shave a cat with ringworm and you snort it up your nose you can get ringworm thisclose to your brain. it was pleasant! handy tip: clicky pens make the best nostril scratchers.

2) i once got anal gland juice in my eye and my mouth at the very same time! talents, i gots them.

3) (TRUE!) one time a little pomeranian came into the er with a "sore butt." i took one look at her butt and i knew it was about to blow. literally. anal gland abscess. so i brought her back to the treatment area and handed her off to jeff because i "was busy." i swear to the holy skittle, that thing turned CLEAR (as in her butthole skin) and then popped all over him (as in anal juices). and i laughed. because i am a great friend.

4) puss. puss and i are old pals. cats are the worst at getting horrible abscesses. there i was, looking for a problem. with fur, we have to be fur detectives and feel around under the fur and finally, clip off the fur. the kitty had a small sore oh her hip. she was also angry at the world. sooooo she was asleep while i was clippering away at her furs while looking for hidden treasure. i was being careful. i was being vewwy, vewwyy careful. because the combination of an abscesses and fur are rascally wabbits. someone asked me a question and in that moment of inattention, kablooey! purulent discharge uhsploded all over everywhere. i had to change and take a shower. at work.  in the bathroom. while dry heaving. *shudder, shudder*

so! which one(s) are true and which one(s) are not real and do i use are or is if i put the esses in ()? i mean, i don't think they ever taught us that in school. tricky, tricky.

you can blame this altogether to much information on the lovely and talented lilu. read some other biz here (where they aaaaall are for you! from the lilu)

*yes, i know.

UPDATE! as per my comment below in the comment section:  i won't answer you jerkfaces yet because, well, i want to give everyone a chance to vomit in their food of choice. HOWEVER! i will tell you if you're dying to know, email me or twitter me or i'll whisper it in your ear.

ps i still love you even though i called you a jerkface. and even though you all think i'm gross. and even though you're all yelling at me! and even though i may be scarred permanently! AND EVEN THOUGH... i think that's all.
pps steamy- i am a registered vet tech who's worked in "the biz" for nine years a lot of that time in emergency. which, i don't want to toot my own horn but... tooti'mprobablymoreknowledgeablethanmostdaypracticeschlubsyou'llmeettoot, no offense. you just learn a helluva a lot in emergency.
ppps i know, that sounded pretentious. but i think i come off as pretentious in text form. what are you gonna do? the end.
pppps wow. for not commenting. you sure are commenting a lot, becky. you even had to turn it in to a whole addendum. you're even talking about commenting in your comment turned update turned ramble festival. you should really stop it before more #robotwhores try to get you FOR THE SECOND TIME! really, you deserve it just for this *points above*