i rooooool

there are so many rules. you're supposed to be sad about something for a certain amount of time. you're supposed to not be on top of email or your phone or your goat because it might make it look like you don't have a life. we all want the illusion of having a life, right?

there are rules about death as well. rules in my head. for the most part i'm a crazy person and assume everyone is saying "things" about me and how horrible i am. for instance: i didn't really want to be on twitter or commenting on people's blogs right in the aftermath of my aunt's death. then sometimes i would have a funny twitter thought and i'd be like, "do i have to announce my aunt's death on twitter if i get back on twitter? if i announce her death on twitter am i going straight to hell? does twitter accept death related tweets? do i have to actually interact with people? do i have to preface everything with my aunt died? what's the point of getting on twitter if you don't interact with people? why are you so crazy?????" it was all very confusing.

i try to be all, "whatever!" but sometimes it's hard to be all whatever. ya know? with the searing pretend critism just hanging in the air around you. everyone is judging me and what i do and how i act. i thought i was starting to get over this part of my life. i thought once i figured out some things i could stay forever above caring about what "they" think.

i hate to blame everything on gluten but i can only blame my mother so much. wait, thanks mom for giving me the gluten gene AND marrying a man who has the SAME EXACT ONE then both of you fuckers GIVING ME BOTH! what the hell? anywho, when my life is disrupted, my food is disrupted and i somehow get foodfucked.* one of the multitude of things gluten does to me is to make me anxious/nervous/PARANOID. so i got that going for me as well. in related news, it takes FOREVER for that shit to get out of my system. ugh.

*not as fun as it sounds. well... sometimes. *cucumber sigh* <-almost too much, eh? it just HAPPENED i don't even know WHY!

sorry if i'm inappropriate, sorry if i don't feel the right way or at the right time or for the right amount of time, sorry if i make you uncomfortable. i'm just trying.

i also had a super weird dream recently. it was one of those dreams where you wake up, go to the bathroom thinking that there might be a murderer hiding in the shower or under the cabinet or in the closet when you get back to your room. one of those dreams where you wake up sweating, heart racing and when you try to go back to sleep, as in restful, this is going to benefit me sleep, you're plunged back into the same stinking dream dreams. i told chuck about it and he said, "you should write a book." therefore, just to prove him wrong, thinking i won't follow through and write it down, (what a bastard, believing in me) i DID write it down. suck on that suckah. in conclusion, should i post it? would you read it? and tell me it's fabulous? my mom liked it. I DON'T KNOW WHY I'M SO AFRAID!!!!

this is like the worst post ever, i think i might be going downhill. i need to get back in a flow of bloggggg. where the hell is my floooow? did you guys come over and steal it and then give it someone else? because i'd really like it back, please. thank you.

tomorrow i will post old pictures.

next week i will be interesting.

or at least funny?

or mabes just spastic as per yooj?

what do YOU want me to post about?

in other news, chuck and i met four (4) years ago TODAY! how exciting and life altering and something you really were dying to know is that? huh? pretty neat, eh?

HAPPY MEETING CHUCK DAY!