reasons i might be wolverine

i've had some changes in my life recently that have sent me on a journey of self discovery. my wolverine finger (discussed in greater detail below) was the kicking off point, or catalyst, if you will. i've started writing in a bedside journal, i've given up dairy in an experimental capacity (in addition to my gluten allergy) and i just bought a new package of cottonelle toilet paper. i feel fresh, rejuvenated and ready to take on the haters. i am hopeful that this new outlook on life will be just the ticket to get things moving. in that spirit, i present you, my dear friends, with the reasons i might be wolverine...


1) i burned the shit out of my right index finger. what? he does that all the time. the POINT of telling you i burned the shit out of my right index finger, if you would just hold on a sec, jesus, was that i got a blister. fucking christ, man! wolverine does so get blisters. and THEN i popped the blister because, really, i need right index finger for shit and that watery, bubble thing was pissing me off. it's my needle pokin' finger. so! i popped it and instead of being like a loose piece of skin sack hanging on my finger (lunch, anyone?) it RESEALED ITSELF TO ITSELF LIKE MOTHER FUCKING WOLVERINE! it has been this way for approximately one week and it. is. awesome. i'm thinking about doing it to my other fingers.

2) my hands smell like metal sometimes. i assume it's because i have latent claws that might come out if i'm threatened. now, google might have other ideas and i might, in fact have diabetes but i'm holding out for claw hands because that's just how wolverine i am. bitch.

3) look at this mug, doesn't it look like wolverine-y and stuff? yes. it does.

4) my real last name kinda sounds like logan. coincidence?

5) i'm very good at escaping from secrety government buildings.

6) sometimes i have a hard time remembering things almost like someone shot me in the head several times and then i healed but i don't remember what happened before they shot me in the head.

7) i am susceptible to magnetic based attacks. it's all coming together.

8) i am often depicted as a gruff loaner.

9) i've gone to bed on several occasions with a sunburn only to wake up the next morning with no sunburn at all.

in short, i am no ordinary human and i just might be wolverine. my personal code of honor may prevent me from taking out people in traffic who are complete assholes, but if you ever need a helping hand (claw?) with a "justified" murder, look me up.
i would like to thank wikipedia for research help. it was a rather flattering article. *blush*