Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for. (go here for the rest of the days)
forgiveness. i have really no problem forgiving other people. i don't hold grudges. i do however, have a limit and once you've crossed the limit, i become the ice queen of friends. you can call me but i won't answer and i sure as hell won't give you another chance a year later when i see on TV your county has a tornado warning. ok, fine, i only did that once. then you're out for good! i do not enjoy wasting my time harboring hate and anger towards a person who doesn't deserve it. ahem.
it's much harder to forgive myself because i'm better than that, right? we all know the answer to that one. since i'm stuck in here, i guess i'll just have to forgive myself over and over. so, i forgive myself for being absolutely horrible to my body.
i hated it so much for so long. i criticized its every angle. i told it it was disgusting, that it was too tall for a girl, that it was fat, that it was ugly, that it was too hairy, that it needed to be this, that it needed to be that, that it wasn't right, that it needed to be DIFFERENT. that it needed to be like HER! or HER! or her or her or her or her.
my hate was fueled by everyone but in the end i was the one who did the most harm because i internalized everything. i didn't ever fight back. i couldn't realize that just because, yes, i can't buy the jeans in the front of the store, i have to go seek out the tall jeans, the jeans with no embroidery the jeans that didn't have the coolest rips or the coolest dyes, i was (am) still blameless. my body isn't bad. it just is.
i think we've all criticized ourselves out loud and in our heads but i know i have to forgive myself, fully and completely because if i have a daughter (in the future) i want to do everything in my power to let her know that her body is normal and wonderful and it's perfect for her. just because her arm isn't the the exact same length as that girl's arm length, she's still perfect. oh yeah, and just because her ring finger is not as straight as that girl's ring finger, she's still perfect. and just because she has a freckle on her chin, when that girl's chin is freckless, doesn't mean she isn't perfect. it just means she's an individual.
it has taken me forever to stop comparisons, to stop trying to change myself, to stop examining every little bit and i don't even really know where that originated. i need to forgive my body for being.
11 comments:
This was fantastic, Becky. I had to reconcile myself with the body I've been given a few months ago. I came to grips with my imperfect boobs and my imperfect thighs and my imperfect nose etc etc etc. I stopped comparing myself to other women and just decided to love what I've got. Or, if not love, accept and embrace. It's not all perfect, but it's mine and it's all I've got.
Good job, pretty lady.
Well-said. I'm pretty sure almost every woman (even super models) feels this exact same way. We are all just so rough on ourselves, our bodies. I know that I am!
Exactly. There are a lot of us that feel, or have felt that way.
We should take a page out of the Becky book. :)
I absolutely need to forgive myself for this one...
I totally relate. Well put, lady!
good one! im getting there. im not happy with it just yet, but i also no longer feel the need to be thin.
i like food too much, and really skinny people are always hungry. they have to be. if they arent i dont care, in my mind they are miserably hungry! =)
I really like your word 'freckless' and will try to use it regularly.
Why are girls so hard on themselves and other girls?
I love your schizophrenic Good Will Hunting dialogue.
Thin, perfect people have their own demons, only they're usually hidden and more horrible. Or they're just vapid and lame. That's what I tell myself.
you're tall? oh man. I had that all wrong. I thought you were this little sparkplug. I like you SO much better now! you can never be too tall. :)
good for you, honey. I think the biggest part of growing up is accepting your own body. just the way it is.
You have a freckle on your chin?!?!
I have a mole on my neck I'm secretly hoping the dr will say we should remove just to be safe. For some reason babies always go for it. So gross. Wait! Not because it looks like a nipple..just because it is big and at their eye level when I'm holding them.
It took me a long time to search on the net, only your site explain the fully details, bookmarked and thanks again.
- Kris
Post a Comment