holiday hippo: the truth behind the hat

i know, i know you probably all know the holiday hippo, but i wanted to get to know him better, so i went in for the real story. the story behind the hippo. what are his quirks? where did he go to high school? what are the skeletons in his closet? why is he so grey? where did he get that hat? does he prefer boxers or briefs? in short, who. is. holiday. hippo?

it might come as a shock to my readership that holiday hippo wasn't always the picture of holiday cheer that we've all come to know and love. some of you might be shocked to know that he used to spend most of his time in pools of water, only coming out to maul passersby and have epic battles with crocodiles. how does that fit in with your neat little holiday hippo, timmy?

it doesn't.

when i became privy to this information i knew i had to share it with the world. holiday hippo was arrested for slashing crabby crocodile's tires! now, a hippo who's capable of slashing tires has some other skeletons in his closet. i knew there would be something more and i had a hunch that it had to do with his hat. the source of all his holiday cheer. where does a hippo get a hat? at the hippo hat store????? i've never heard of one of those, have you? fishy, to say the least!

i'd like to introduce you to our possible victim, pepper penguin. pepper is a law abiding citizen, a father, a business man and an excellent lover (or so the rumors go. buttfive, anyone?). he works at the local hot dog stand to support his wife and 7 kids.

we also tracked down a picture of pepper at a holiday party. there were several witnesses, as you can see, to pepper's possession of the hat prior to holiday hippo's legendary change from mauly pool dweller to well known holiday icon. and let me just state that holiday hippo's holiday contact is worth several million dollars, that buys a lot of unsuspecting tourist meat.

please note the hat, look familiar? look like it might be full of holiday cheer? does it look like IT MIGHT BE THE VERY SAME HOLIDAY HAT AS HOLIDAY HIPPO'S????? i submit that it certainly could be. given holiday hippo's checkered past, i don't think it's much of a stretch to holiday hat stealer.

another twist to our story was the shocking revelation that mr hippo and mr penguin were friends. we spoke with rudolph who was also at the holiday party and retrieved this photo of penguin and hippo. we suspect that one or both of them were intoxicated, most likely high on methamphetamine. holiday hippo is known for his drug abuse. please note hippo's severely reddened eyes and inability to close his crazy mouth.

we can determine, at this point, that the hat had changed appendages. what is unclear is if the exchange was mutual or forced. what is clear, my dear friends, is that pepper is down one magical hat and hippo has increased his numbers by one.