...the end of the never ending wedding dress story (or is it?) (it is)

i just got married, bitches! that's what's up! this is part three of the wedding dress saga, you can see part one here and part two here, if you need to catch up. don't worry, the wedding series will continue because, i'm milking this wedding for all it's worth because, if you can't tell, that's what i've been doing instead of blogging for the past six months. BOOYEAH! also, i like to give my readership what they want: all becky's boring life, all the time. (say that in a gravely announcer voice) (also use that voice to read the title again) (it was pretty great, right?) speaking of which, i made you a true faq page, see that? just right up there? yep! that's it!




i got to see sunsets on the way to shirley's and twitter/facebook did too. (i think they really liked it)

we left off on friday night, a week and a day before the wedding, i arrived at shirley's at 6:30pm, she had a bodice, made with the real fabric.... with no sleeves. ugh, i can't even tell you how demoralizing it is to try on a part of a bodice one week and a day before the wedding. at first i loved it because, yay! the fabric that i loved! wheee! but the joy was short lived when i put it on and realized how far we had to go. however, i was still feeling pretty good because we were making progress.

i sat in a hard folding chair for hours, intermittently trying on the vest, as i started calling it in my mind and saving her 5 month old puppy from ingesting straight pins and beads and sequins. i also spent about an hour on the floor trying to get a picture of the puppy and i'll tell you what, goddamn puppies and too goddamn movey, jerks. i finally had to resort to treats because, goddamn! it was not the most fun i've had, in fact, it was made even more awkward because her boyfriend was there as well. they really liked to talk about each other to me while the other one was gone. they've also ruined the endearment, "babe," because they liked to use it judiciously in conversation and it made me want to shoot myself in the face. this is a dramatic recreation of a real conversation they had when i arrived friday.

"can you go down and get my stuff from the car, babe?" shirley pleaded. "ugh, i was just down there, babe! alright, fine, babe, what do you need?" steven replied. "just the stuff on the seat, babe!" so, steve goes down to her car and brings some stuff back up. "thanks, babe! ooooh, baaaaabe, where's my sewing kit?" shirley whines. steven responded, "babe! you didn't say the sewing kit!" "babe! why would you not get my sewing kit, babe? that's the one thing i needed, babe! babe, please! go! get! it!" and as soon as steve exits the door and shirley reassures herself that he's gone, she starts in complaining about him, "goddd!!!!! he's so lazy! can you believe that? he's so lazy! i swear, he's raising his son to be lazy too, you should see it! god, so lazy! i'm so not that lazy. how can he be so lazy???" until babe, i mean, steve gets back, "thanks, babe!" whispers to me, "see what i mean? sooooo lazy!" then she goes over and gives him a smooch.

the beast

she talked so much every time i was with her, i really didn't even have to talk at all. score one for me! because talking to people i don't know is yucky as we previously found out previously (it's called crippling social anxiety, bitches). she told me stories about steve, where she grew up, the fact that steve has a futon for a bed instead of real bed, that she accidentally had her car towed when she accidentally parked in a handicap place and accidentally forgot about it, that steve bought her the puppy because she was joking about wanting a dog but she really didn't really want a dog, that she was trying to lose weight all the time and she had lost some and would i like to see her fat picture? and here it is against your will, LOOK AT IT! and wasn't i so fat and now i still have weight to lose but at least i'm not as fat as that fat picture,* did you know that these popsicles only have 60 calories?

as you might be able to tell, this weekend was one of the most stressful weekends i've had, in recent memory. i coped with the stress by making faces and taking pictures of my faces and then instragraming the hell out of them. this is where my instagram obsession began. at the next instagram anonymous meeting i go to, i think i'd like to explore this further. oh, and also, my obsession with clouds has never this bad.


the fitting was very tedious and very long and i was wearing one of those smoothing bodysuit things so everything was squeezey. at eleven in the evening, we decided to call it a night. she was going to working on the lining and get the collar put on. i was really excited to see the collar as that was my favorite part of the design. we walked out together because the puppy had to make a tinkle, i said goodbye to shirley with a hug (initiated by her because.... hugging is also kind of yucky with people i don't know, i just powered through it though because i'm a trooper) and walked to my car.
um, *stops in front of huge truck that's in the place where my leetle truck had been parked* ...that's not my truck. um, where did i park? um, did i move my car? MY TRUCK IS GONE??!?!?! *zooms up and down the area where my truck was parked* *again* *again* *again* *AGAIN*


that's snarling, clouds, suspicious spot and ... crazy.



i finally let it sink in that my truck was gone. gone, gone, gone. at eleven o'clock on friday night, a week and an hour from my wedding day, my car was gone and i wasn't going home to take off these goddamn squeezey clothes. motherfucker. after i thoroughly convinced myself that it was gone and that i wasn't just missing an entire truck in the smallish parking area, i went back to find shirley. she was still walking puppy outside, so i said, "um, shirley??" in a cracky, panicked voice. she replied, "becky? what's up?" i said, "um, do they... tow cars here?" the next part was a little blurred in my memory but steve came down and we walked with the puppy to the sign that they both knew was there after they repeatedly said, "towing doesn't start till midnight! they told me midnight!" she had never once told me that they actually towed cars there or that they HAD BOTH HAD CARS TOWED OUT OF THE PARKING LOT! in fact, she had told me to park where i parked.

she called the number on the towing sign and found that my car had just been towed and they were taking it 45ish minutes away (while i was already about 30 minutes away from my house). she ended the conversation with, "FINE! thank you for being no! help! at! all!" [angry touch screen hang-up, which is the same as regular touch screen hang-up] all i could think was, they have my car, you yelled at them and they have my car! she then called her apartment manager which was also kind of a red flag for me because who has their apartment manager in their phone? weird, right? suspicious, if you ask me. she talked to the apartment manager and found out they put the new towing time in the newsletter, "the newsletter! the newsletter! i don't read the newsletter! STEVE! do you read the newsletter? steve doesn't read the newsletter either, janice! my friend is here and i'm making her a dress! and it's a WEEK before her wedding! and she does NOT need this!" at least we agreed on one thing. she hung up the phone with the understanding that janice would be calling the towing company to tell them that they should give me half off then she says, "well, do you guys want to go back up because i'm getting eaten by mosquitoes!" we trek upstairs to wait. shirley goes back to doing something on the dress and i go back to texting with chuck.

"so, is chuck going to come get you?" shirley asks. i mentally shake myself to understand what she's asking and what she's implying. "i- i have to go get my car?" i manage to get out. "oh, i thought you'd just go get it in the morning!" she says brightly. "i have to work in the morning," i say while realizing she's trying to get out of having to take me to the towing place because she's already been there and knows how far away it is and it's after eleven o-fucking-clock in the evening. this is where steve chimes in and i could totally give him a handy for saying this, "shirley, if she's going to give her a discount on the towing, we need to go get it tonight," he said in a tone that implied that he knew what she was trying to do. "oh," shirley says with a concerned look on her face, "well, do you want us to take you?" and so they did, she made him go too, of course. i finally arrived back home at two in the morning, refreshed and ready to hop up and go to work the next morning.
after work, which just happened to include a very rare saturday emergency surgery, i went home to change and shower off the blood slash guts and headed once again over to shirley's. there was no real mention of the unpleasantness from the night before and i even had to stop and look for a longer zipper and more thread because she was out. i'm pretty sure she knew there was basically nothing i could do at this point, a week before the wedding. we tried on the bodice again and even added sleeves! yay for sleeves! this fitting was pretty short because she had to add the sleeves with their lining and the lace. i cut out my pockets with her horrible, dull scissors and that made me excited as well. after a final sleeve try-on, i was free to leave and the next day, would have sleeves and an attached skirt to look forward to!

sunday, six days before the wedding, i once again arrived later in the evening, i had set my phone alarm to go off at 9:30pm so that i could save myself from another tow charge. fool me twice, as the saying goes. she wasn't ready for me to try the dress on yet, so i sat down to wait and showed her the shoes because, hello? best shoes ever! as i was sitting back down again, there was a knock on the door. i looked at shirley, who could it be? i think she knew but she said she didn't know. i said, "should i get the door?" because she was working and didn't seem to be moving. she said, "sure." i looked out the peep-hole to see two youngish girls with backpacks and described them to shirley, "oh, that must be the traveling teachers," she says, "you can let them in," with a sigh. it turned out the ladies were from her mormon church and they were coming to.... dunno, get her to come back? i didn't really ask. they stood awkwardly, while she continued to sit on the floor, cutting the hem. they finally sunk down in front of her because they weren't offered chairs and they, apparently, weren't leaving either. i sat back down and pretended to have important things to do on my important iphone. one of the girls had said she loved my shoes on the way in, so i felt a little sorry for them but, hey, they were talking to shirley and so i didn't have to anymore.

when she finally finished cutting the hem, i wanted a tea length dress, just below my calves, we stood up to try the almost completed dress on so that we could check the length. how it went from just a bodice with an almost sleeve to an almost dress, overnight, i don't know, but i wasn't going to ask for details. i slipped into it and it felt ok. it felt like everything was working. after the previous two days, i had made sure to do my make-up and my hair so that i wouldn't be discouraged in anyway. i walked out of the bathroom and the two girls made exclamtions of delight for the dress and the maker of the dress and the shoes. i had to walk across her apartment to the full length mirror and i was just crossing my fingers that i wouldn't hate it. i'm so glad that i prepared and remembered the shoes/hair/make-up because when i finally, finally, finally, stepped in front of the mirror, i loved it and for the first time in about a week i was able to take a deep breath. traveling mormon ladies are my lucky charm from now on. all that was left was to stich the hem and i got to leave shirley very quickly because of my lucky mormons, not even any huggies, yay!

for the final fitting, on monday night, my mom was to accompany me along with our longtime friend, who was also to be the officiant, carol. i was so glad carol had arrived because i knew she would dial back the stress my mother was feeling as she's not very well equipped to deal with stress in a healthy manner. coughcoughiwantedtopunchhercough. she proved her worth on the way to the fitting when i'd realized i forgot my engagement ring in my car. i had been putting on lotion and stowed the ring in my sunvisor so i wouldn't forget it but when they arrived to pick me up, it slipped my mind. when i gasped, carol asked me what was wrong, i told her and she was ready to turn aound right there. my mother, on the other hand was very reluctant and tried to guilt me into saying it was fine i had left it, i was hesitant but willing to just worry for the rest of the night because i had no control over the car. carol said, "would it make you feel better to go get it?" "...yes," i said, "it's just... you know, in the middle of that parking lot and who knows when we'll get back? chuck would be upset if it was stolen." understatement of the year.

even though i could tell my mother was a little eyerolly about it, i felt so much better knowing it wouldn't be just sitting there, waiting for a lucky person to steal the right car or just the contents of it. i was a little skittish about cars in general after my friday experience. we were early anyway and only halfway there but my mother said she'd drop us off at shirley's and then go get my ring. i texted shirley to let her know we'd be early because my entourage was a little jumpy. we showed up about 20 minutes early and it was clear that we'd be waiting for a long time, she had to hand stich the entire hem before it would be done but then it would be done and i would be free, freeeeeeeeeeeee! carol and i sat down on the couch, to wait. she later told me that she had decided we must sit and wait and watch or it would never be done. she decided we weren't leaving without the completed dress, she was ready to dig in, as it were. her excuse was that she didn't realize that the particular tape she had gotten needed to be handstiched and unless we wanted the hem to have machine stiching showing..... anyone? no? then she'd have to hand stitch it. you better get to stiching, bitch...ing. (rhymies! yay!)



the front of the dress (i can't give it all away, i have more posts to do!)



my mother made it back and we all decided that we (and by we i mean, carol and the mother) needed something to eat or we might faint. we left shirley to her stiching and left for about an hour. it was sort of relaxing to wander aimlessly up and down the aisles in the store with carol. my mom, bustling ahead, on some sort of mission, paid us no attention except to occasionally call back to tell carol to get something to eat. by about 9:30pm, armed with our visitor parking pass, that i think shirley had all along but never offered me, we were back at shirley's who was still hand stiching. as the ladies settled in to eating and talking, i settled into to pacing and wondering if the dress would be awful and i would hate it and why had i done such a thing? then she was done...

and i was in the dress and i loved it. we loved it. the shoes loved it. now, what jewelry should i wear? just kidding, i ordered earrings that never arrived!

alright, since you were so good.

*an aside about "fat pictures:" [deep breath] a)i do not want to see your "fat picture," b)you have a bad picture of yourself with bad lighting/weird facial angles/bad hair/weird smile/something else unrelated to your weight, i guess that's great, c)my response will always be something positive about the picture, in this instance i said, "ooo, festive sweater!" d)just throw your "fat picture" away because you're damaging yourself and your children e)AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! "fat pictures" make me want to kill EVERYBODY! f)these are making less and less sense, g)in conclusion, if you'd like to have a reminder/motivation/whatever for yourself in your wallet, do yourself a favor and make it positive, h)if you need help getting a good picture, i would be more than willing to help you, because you're beautiful, everyone has bad pictures.