WOW!

Camden has been home for a whole week. This week has been…an adjustment to say the least. Ive struggled with just how personal I wanted to get on this blog. I didnt know if I wanted to share what Im REALLY feeling as a new mom of 2, or if I wanted to just keep it light and airy. But if Im going to be honest with myself, and if I want my kids to look back on this one day, I need to be 100 percent truthful. So here goes…..

Im so ridiculously in love with Camden and Braxton. I love both of my boys with my whole heart, and would do ANYTHING to protect them. However, Im scared that maybe Braxton is getting the short end of the stick sometimes. Im trying SO hard to give him undivided attention as much as possible but its so hard when Camden screams the minute I put him down. And Braxton is CONSTANTLY in the baby’s things. Im talking–he climbs inside the swing, bouncer, car seat, even tries to feed himself Camdens left over formula if Im not quick enough in getting it to the sink. I feel like all I do is tell him no. “No Braxton, dont stick that bottle in your mouth!” “Braxton, please stop jumping around the baby.” “Braxton, why do you keep climbing in the swing, when I consistently tell you NOT TO?” ….Im sure you get the picture. I dont want him to feel like Im mad at him all the time but he is acting out so much that I cant just let it go. Im not sure if I should let it go, or if I should reprimand him. I expected this. I knew he would be this way, he always is when there is a change. But, I didnt think about how I would handle it.

Im trying SO hard to balance motherhood and make sure I tell BOTH of my boys how much I love them at least a couple hundred times a day. I want to make sure I never have to wonder if I hugged them or kissed them enough. But, sometimes its draining. And then I feel bad that I am upset, because its not their fault. I chose to be a momma, so I shouldnt be complaining. Im sure this is going to just take some practice, but WHEW is it HARD!

On other news, Camden is doing GREAT! He is getting so much stronger and so much healthier every day. We have a check up with his pediatrician next week to make sure his vitals are still good and his weight is still increasing. Braxton is adjusting. Aside from the acting out–he really does love his brother already. He wants to constantly be right next to him and give him kisses and hugs. And when Cam is crying he gets right next to him and says
“Baby okay? Okay baby, okay!”
Be still my beating heart!

I am so in love with these boys, and consider myself lucky to be their momma. Its crazy how my soul is so…CONNECTED with theirs. I live for the little moments. I dont really complain about getting up in the middle of the night with Camden, because I truly love it so much. I love those quiet minutes listening to him suck suck the milk down, and then quietly rocking him back to sleep. I like that Braxton climbs in my bed every morning at 645, blanket in hand, and lays with Cam and I watching Disney cartoons all morning. I love our routine….whatever that is. I like cuddling on the couch or in my bed with them, watching them love eachother. Because say what you want, but Camden LOVES his big brother already. The minute he hears Braxtons voice he is wide awake and searching for him. Its the most amazing love Ive ever felt. Watching your heart melt together in person, thats beautiful my friends. Absolutely beautiful.

Im going to be enjoying the small things the next couple of days. My sister is coming into town and we have got all kinds of late night chats, holding babies, making cookies, laughing, crying, and lots of loving to do. 🙂