i have a very small family. chuck has a large family. so, now i guess i have a huge family. i’ve always wanted cousins but with a long ago dead uncle and a childless aunt, all i had for cousins were dogs. not too shabby, as i found out this past week.
as a disclaimer and to make me feel nicer, i do really like his family as a whole. his mom’s very nice, his sister and her family are neat-o and let’s just not talk about his dad slash step-mom (yes, let’s). everyone i met at the beach (his mother’s family) was super nice and smiley. in fact, his cousin immediately commandeered my very heavy bag and lugged it up to first floor, waited while we said hi to everyone and then lugged it up to the top floor and to our room for me, and wouldn’t take no for an answer. score!
it was nice to meet everyone but i was looking forward to settling in to our room after several sweaty hours traveling. did i tell you about our plane having a broken air conditioner and being stuck on the tarmac for 2 hours? oh, dude, it was tops! did you know that if the air conditioning is broken and then they fix it after an hour the maintenance crew still has to show up and sign off on it? nope, they can’t just cancel it. checks and balances people, it’s all a part of our fail proof methods here at the airport!
anywho, as soon as we closed our door, no less than five (5) people came and knocked on the motherfucker. seriously? SERIOUSLY? oh, yeah, they were serious. seriously nosy. then, came the next little shock. they don’t swim on sunday. like, they don’t go into the water at all. when chuck asked if we could go in, his mother said, “NO!” small pause while she tries to soften her curt answer, “if you go, then all the little kids will want to go and they won’t understand….” cuz that’s what you’re sposed to at the beach. children’s logic, infallible.
hokay, no swimming at 4pm on a sunday for us. lest we incite the children. nobody cared about the fact that we were sweaty and in close proximity to a large body of water that might aid in our de-sweatage. fine, maybe we’ll just leisurely change and relax on the bed for a few minutes. every time i would take an item of clothing off, another person would knock on the door. someone knocked on the door while i was peeing. different people.
when we finally changed, we went down the stairs to the living area, to a whole lotta people. in the living area, there were three couches and behind that, there was a poorly designed medium sized kitchen with a large table and a large island with bar chairs around it. i found out that originally there were supposed to be 16 people going to the beach but in the end, 30+ people had decided to come. so, we’re at 200% capacity. sounds like the perfect situation for a sober INFJ. nowhere to hide, nowhere to run. “oh, we can walk on the beach on sunday? LET’S DO IT!” i love walking on the beach.
luckily, i brought my kindle loaded with a saucy paranormal romance series recommended by lusty reader (she’s a good recommender. she read ender’s game at my behest and plus this sexy series is fucking addicting). funny story, chuck read a saucy page on the plane and he said, “you better not read those around the children!” cocks are an important part of our youth’s education. and honestly? i’d rather have my child read a saucy book than watch a scary tv show, just for the record. prudes.
consequently, i spent most of the week hiding behind my kindle and not making eye contact with anyone. works at starbucks, works with family reunions. did you know chuck and i got into an argument about whether i could bring a “real” book too? he said, “that’s why we got the kindle, becky!” and i said, “what if the motherfucker breaks and we get stuck on a deserted island?????” “i will take you to buy a book if it breaks, or you can have mine!” he replied. “THERE ARE NO BOOKS ON A DESERTED ISLAND, CHUCK!” this is a very real fear for me. i need a book, at least one, just in case technology fails. i can always calm myself by saying that i could read it over and over and over. then we could turn the book into a play… the possibilities are endless.
anywho, the house to human ratio was super whacked. i could not sit and read anywhere inside except in our room. if i vacated my seat for any length of time, a person would take my place. there were ELEVEN children there and mostly under five. they dominated the only television with a wii. yeah, #mouthgun. there were a lot of cute kids there too. i like kids. i like making friends with them but it was just a leettle overwhelming. so, other than eating (and defending my gluten free drawer), we outside or in our room. i brought my sunhat and my sunglasses and i was still pretty stoked.
most days were pretty chill and pretty relaxing. chuck ended up getting sick starting on thursday because one of the families had brought a lovely cold. he was miserable the rest of the time pretty much. poor kid. i was bragging the whole time that i wasn’t going to get sick because of my fabulous immune system but… i just got it the day after we arrived home.
i also got to go out on his uncle’s sailboat! i have some serious war wounds from the sailboat. we couldn’t get it past the waves and i cut my wrist and both elbows. i don’t know if it was the waves getting it out there or what but halfway through the ride, we had to switch sides and i almost lost my cookies. i have never been seasick in my entire life. for some reason, i was super embarrassed about it. i’ve been on small sailboats, big sailboats, canoes, row boats, kayaks, speed boats and just about every water craft imaginable and i’ve never gotten seasick. stupid stomach.
we got to see a loggerhead turtle and a ton of jellyfish and oh, i don’t know other stuff. no mermaids though. mostly i was excited about the turtle. a sea turtle!! i’ve never seen a sea turtle in the sea! we also saw two sea turtle nests. if we had seen the babeh turties i would have died from happiness right there but they weren’t ready yet. stupid babehs, y you no hatchies?
overall, it was a good trip. i can see why chuck hasn’t been in 15 years and while it might not scare me off for another 15, i might need to take a few years off and make sure we get a larger house next time. better yet, we’ll get our own place and bring pants and scratchy. i missed them more than they missed me because my mom took care of them really well but they would love the beach.
edited to add: and for the record, i wore the bikini. regardless of the fact that EVEN THE BOYS had their nipples and betty buttons covered, like as in, they were wearing those surfy bathing suity shirts, with board shorts. yeah.