Think about the restless night of sleep ahead if you don’t do something about your brain. Lie down, preferably in the same spot you’ll be sleeping because if you’re lucky, the meditation will end after 8 hours of the best sleep ever. Open the window because it’s hot. Try to focus on the police sirens. BOOM, Cops theme song in your head. Focus on the rattle of the train tracks.

Think about that time Josh told you train conductors are some of the most depressed professionals because of train track suicides. Sad. Really sad. Immediately think about everything sad that has ever happened to you. STOP. Think about happy things. But you’re not supposed to be thinking about anything. THIS IS MEDITATION. Pancakes with real maple syrup from Eastern Market.

Open the sleep sounds app. Select “pan flute” because that sounds relaxing. This sounds like Pocahontas playing the Titanic theme song. Grandmother Willow! Draw me like one of your French girls! Damn you, James Cameron Disney. Pan flute fail.

Go for the sound of rain. Choose between “rain,” “urban rain,” “rooftop rain,” rainy day,” “rainstorm,” “heavy rain,” and “thunderstorm.” THE FUCK. If there was only one rain option I would not be dissatisfied with the sound of every single one of these. Combine three rain sounds because you’re ballsy. Sounds like white noise. Too much rain. Have to pee.

Urban rain it is. I wonder if it’s acidic. Who cares. Doze off. Wake up at 7am to a gentle rain on the urban landscape.

That was nice.