i can’t even see straight

i will get back to the wedding posts, there will be pictures, i super promise but i’ve been de-railed and this is all i can think about.

my niece was sexually assaulted in a high school corridor. i feel so helpless and i don’t know what to do. i don’t want to step on the toes of her mother or her grandmother or her step-father but i feel like they’re handling it all wrong. everything is wrong.

here’s what happened: a male, who also goes to the same high school, came up to her and grabbed her breast and stuck his hand down her pants. that’s sexual assault and if he had punched her in the face, he would have been expelled, but as it stands right now, the school is “looking into it” and “seeing if they need to involve the police.” according to third hand information, this person has done something similar in the past to another girl as well.

everyone is dragging their feet. there has been some talk of the fact that they’re friends and that maybe she wasn’t so innocent in all of this, she might have “done something to make it happen.” she has even said that she still wants to be friends with this person and so they shouldn’t make a big deal of it, now days after the fact and after no obvious action has been taken by anybody. i can feel that the longer this drags out, everyone involved will be talked into giving themselves permission to let it drop. her family, her support group, is letting go of it. it’s already happening despite what chuck or i say.

it’s causing me a great deal of pain and i just don’t know what to do. i want to start kicking asses but i can’t. i want to make her school see what they’ve done is wrong, but i can’t. i want to be her super cool aunt, but i can’t. the only way i can think to do anything is to write her an email, hope her mother doesn’t see it and get offended, hope she responds and takes me at my word that i won’t be a spy or judge her or make her do anything. i want to help, i want to make it right, i want to tell her that she’s not alone and that i would do anything for her. i want her to know that she might be feeling like it would be better for this to all go away but that she needs to talk to someone at the very least. she needs to protect herself. she needs to rebuild the part of her that’s been damaged. i want to tell her, no matter what she said, did, or wore, if she didn’t give him permission to touch her, he was wrong. he was wrong.

her support group, by their inaction, are saying things to her on a loud speaker. maybe she did deserve this. maybe she should be friends with him. maybe, the next time something like this happens, she shouldn’t say anything at all. maybe.

when i was molested at a young age, i told absolutely nobody. i didn’t even tell my mother until earlier this year. that’s over twenty years of silence. i’m really impressed that she went home to tell her mother. i’m really proud that she was strong enough to do that. i don’t want her to think that she was wrong. the latest thing i’ve heard is that maybe she only said something for the attention she’s getting. again, my heart breaks into a million pieces. again and again and again.

i know, i can only say what i’d do and backseat drive this whole thing but i am dying for this kid. so, i need your help. i’ve sent her an email telling her if she ever, ever needs me i’m here, day or night but i feel like it’s not enough, and i’m afraid i might get a phone call in the middle of the night but it will only be after something much worse has happened. what else should i do? i know that some of you are parents and some of you have been through similar things and i know you have great advice. what am i not seeing through my panic? i want to talk about it because nobody else wants to talk about it with me.

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