Roller Coaster Ride

Life in our household has been a roller coaster lately.

T is in the middle of trying to make a career change to be at home with us more, I am considering re-entering the working world, and we recently added a temporary dog into our mix.

I say temporary dog because my sister is moving home for the summer from NYC. She wont be home for good until mid-December. Since she will be spending her last semester in New York in a dorm, her dog is now residing in my home.

Its been alright, but definitely an adjustment. The boys love him though.

So things have been a bit tense. And when things get tense T and I tend to argue and bicker more.

I wish someone had told me this before I got married.

Ive heard the first year is bliss, then you hit the terrible twos of marriage, and then things get better again in year 3.

On September 6 we will celebrate our 3rd wedding anniversary. I’m really really hoping things are going to get better.

This is not to say I don’t love and adore my husband. Because I do. I am madly in love with him and think the world of him. But when we fight, we fight dirty.

We say things that we know will make the other one extremely mad. We say things to hurt the other one. And its not just me, and its not just him. It’s the both of us.

We have tried over and over to stop the cycle. We rarely fight in front of the boys, and I can typically hold my tongue until they are away from the situation.

Or, we act like teenagers, and fight through text messages.

Those are the worst. I can go back and re-read how horribly mean we were to each other. It’s like living the fight all over again.

We are considering counseling. Not because we are considering divorce or anything, but because we don’t want to ever have to consider divorce.

That word terrifies me. My dad recently married his second wife, and my mom is in a serious relationship with a man who didn’t raise me. It’s a scary reality that divorce happens to people who have the best intentions.

I’m worried that if I go to counseling, I will be judged. We get this a lot. Because we got married young, because we had babies young, we are judged more harshly than a couple in their thirties. I want to make my marriage work, and I want to grow old with my T. But it is so hard.

I went into marriage thinking it was going to rainbows and lollipops. Let me tell you, its like another full time job. For the most part, a fun full time job, but a job nonetheless. And I hate that I look at it like that.

We need to get back to being giddy. We need to get back to kissing goodbye and hello. We both need to learn how to fight fair. We need to sit down and discuss issues instead of holding them in and letting each other blow up at the slightest thing.

Babe, I love you more today than I did the day I said I do. I’m in this. I’m in this wholeheartedly. I want you, and us, and our family forever. Love you shoogs. XO

How do you handle fighting in your marriage. Have you considered counseling?

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About the Author: Becky