While Josh and I were driving to Grand Rapids the other day, a commercial came on the radio for a razor company who claims that 85% of women prefer to kiss a clean-shaven man. I get it, there are benefits to both beards and smooth faces, and I like Josh whether he has a beard or not. Still, this is where I question the ethics of razor company polls because pretty much every woman I know likes facial hair.

Do I even need to add the caption here about how beards will get you pussy? Too easy.

We were trying to picture the scenario in which they polled women to ask them what they prefer. The clean-shaven guy was probably Ryan Gosling, and the bearded side was probably Sasquatch. Like one of those bullshit infomercials where someone is making eggs and the yolk winds up in the bathroom because MAKING EGGS IS SO HARD!, then the Slap Chop guy who got beat up by an escort comes in and is like “NO! You need the magic egg flipper!” And everyone’s teeth glisten and they make perfect eggs. Yolk stays right in the pan! It’s a miracle!

Me: “I want to know who they are polling and what kind of guys they like. This is incorrect. These women probably like it when guys wear a ton of cologne, too.”

Josh: “It has to be Ryan Gosling. He ruins everything. It is also insulting to Sasquatch. Can you picture him when he finds out why he has only been getting 15% of kisses? Devastating.”

Me: “Sadsquatch.”

Now I need to take a poll. Ladies (and gentlemen, of course) – how do you like your partner’s facial hair? Is this poll bullshit? More importantly, have you ever had your egg yolks wind up in the bathroom because you were using a faulty pan?