1) i’m terrified of posting about the wedding. i have a post almost done about planning as my original plan was three posts and i have the actual wedding post about halfway done, but every time i think about posting it, i get all stage frighty. what if you guys hate my dress? and think i’m ugly when i’m not holding the camera just so? what if you think my dress is stupid? what if i did something wrong? WHAT IF THE FLOWERS ARE SO LAST YEAR??? it’s all very nerve wracking, quite frankly. also, i just had to sit through about 30 minutes of wedding pictures, an unauthorized wedding video by a chuck uncle and 20 more minutes of wedding pictures at the family reunion. my personal hell.
2) in the grocery store monday, i was shopping for oj, high pulp, in case you’re wondering, and a gentleman about 10 feet from me asked the store in general, “if i were nail polish, where would i be?” i, being the savvy, focused and champion male ignoring shopper i am, ignored him (see how good i am?). i quickly forgot about the nail polishless gentleman in distress, absorbed in the countless oj choices arrayed before me and therefore, i did not notice him sneaking up on me until he was RIGHT THERE! and all, “do you know where the nail polish is?”
taken aback is what i was, but i managed to say, “um, nail polish?” to which he replied, “yeah. like, nail polish? *makes nail polish gesture* you know where that is?” as we were standing right by the only aisle in the store that i thought might contain nail polish, i pointed. so then he said, “oh, yeah, that’s what i thought!” what the fuck, dude? you’re not my husband and THIS IS NOT THE GODDAMN REFRIGERATOR!
3) i burned my finger last sunday because chuck didn’t know to firmly seat the teapot’s top so that it doesn’t fall out. steam burns are not messing about, i’ll tell you that right now. i had my hand in ice water for about 10 minutes while i was finishing things i was doing pre-steam burn and was in excruciating pain. then i remembered i should put honey on it because honey solves everything. so, i was finally sitting down with my pinky honeyed and saran wrapped, under a ziplock of ice, when i found a site on the internet talking about putting aluminum foil on a burn.
what the fuck, internet? why are you being an asshole while i’m in pain? is what i thought. however, after some research, aluminum foil fucking works. oh, internet, let’s never fight again. apparently, the aluminum foil conducts heat away from the skin, genius! so i slapped some aluminum foil over my pinky and ring finger, very gently. i left the honey on because i figured that would cut down on some of the refraction and protect the burn at the same time. 10 minutes later, the pain was almost gone, 15 minutes later it was all gone. now, it wasn’t a miracle, i still had to be careful of banging it on things (hee hee banging), but if i held still, no pain.
after the initial 15 minutes, i took off the foil to take out the dogs, it did start hurting a little bit, like when you take your burn out of the ice water but what i did, and what i should have done at the beginning, is take the foil and mold it around the unhurt pinky to make a more custom fit, then slipped it back on. yay! pinky costume! she’s an astronaut! her dreams are realized! i finally took off the foil about 3-4 hours after the initial burn. it was still slightly tender but nothing like i’d been used to in the past and by the next day it’s all blistered and gross, but it pretty much doesn’t hurt at all.
now, the only thing i’m kinda pissed off about is how come i didn’t know about this before? internet? i’m giving you the silent treatment!