True faq

i finally did a faq page, i’m sure you’ll be quite fond of it. please let me know if you have any unanswered questions, burning in your… soul.

is chuck’s name chuck? 
chuck’s name is not chuck. chuck is an alias for his real name. i’m sorry. and no, he doesn’t want to be in any pictures but, yes, he’s really real. my name is really becky. well, it’s rebecca to be perfectly honest.

does chuck read your blog?
chuck knows about my blog but he doesn’t read it. at first, i was a little worried about him reading the blog but then i thought about it and realized, jesus christ, i treat him like a goddamn king on here, he probably should read it and give me more back rubs because of all the nice things i say about my vagina him.

is chuck on twitter?
no, and what’s this goddamn faq about? chuck? fuck him. start being more questiony about becky.

would chuck be able to beat me in hand-to-hand combat?
ugh, alright, i’ll answer this one only because of you crazy internet stalkers…. yes. he would annihilate you and don’t you forget it.

what if i sprayed him with pepper spray first?
even. then. he’s immune to pepper spray and most common household chemicals. (there’s really no way i could know this information)

what’s the deal with you and chuck?
we’re married. i married him. it’s over. and i love him (a little) (ok, a lot) (ok, a whole lot).

speaking of names, are all of them changed?
yes. all of them. except like one, i think. we’ll just go with the assumption that they are all changed to protect me from teh googles. i even changed the dogs’ names because *that’s* how paranoid i am. i beat you at being paranoid!

is pants (matilda) a boy?
no, she’s a lady, candi’s a lady and tonka’s a lady. single ladies put ya’ hands up! o-o-oh… (is that how that goes?)

are your eyes two different colors, reeeeeeally?
yes. really, really. i’m also allergic to gluten!

are you addicted to twitter and instagram?
who the fuck isn’t? i’m mylittlebecky on both. we should be friendsies.

what do you do?
i work with animals. it’s very cool, you can go ahead and be super jealous of me and my abilities to extract bodily fluids and inject other things back into furry, squirming creatures. also, sometimes i get to make them vomit. *happy clap*

where do you live?
in texas and i’m not so much a fan but chuck tells me i’m a texan and i’ve lived here for … jesus christ… 20 years. he says i have an accent but it’s just a leetle one.

are you accepting applications for best friends?
yes, please email me, romeofoxtrotmike at the gmail with the dot com. (your first test is me not telling you how to decode that into an email address) (cuz if you can’t do that….)

what’s up with mylittlebecky?
well, i’m glad you asked, mylittlebecky comes from my little pony (if they had my little pony perfume that smelled like my little pony’s plastic, i would bathe in it) and that chuck used to call me his little champion. lest you picture me as some sort of small person, i will now inform you that i’m 5’11” and i wear heels a lot. so i’m kind of a big deal. (geddit?)

how long have you been blogging?
established 2006, that’s a lot of blogs. i should pay me more.

you certainly do swear a lot, doncha?
yes, i do, thank you for noticing. i’ve been practicing.

who did your header?
mylittlebecky did mylittlebecky’s header and mylittlebecky was pretty pleased with mylittlebecky’s work. (i did it) (with my shiny markers on shiny cardboard). i do all the drawrings on here unless otherwise noted and also, i love handwriting.

i’d like to pay you monies, how would i go about doing that?
please email me, romeofoxtrotmike at the gmail with the dot com. oh, and please, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD! don’t email me anymore, csn. not. gonna. happen.

thank you for taking the time to read my drivel, pumpkins.