So last Saturday Mae and I were hanging out at Sarah’s house, relaxing and hooping before going out for the evening. We made some pasta for a snack and decided to open up a bottle of champagne, except none of us had ever opened champagne and we were convinced the cork would like, tag team our eyeballs and poke them all out if we weren’t careful.

Sarah: I’ve never opened a bottle of champagne. Have you guys?

Me: Nope. Go for it. GET IT AWAY FROM MY FACE.

Sarah: Um I haven’t even taken the foil off yet.

Mae: It won’t even do anything. How’s my hair?

Sarah: This is worse than opening a can of biscuits. One time I opened a can of cinnamon rolls and it didn’t pop and I was scared and just left it there. SCARIEST THING EVER.

Me: OK let me try.

*Cork pops off and Sarah and I screamed, except like, nothing happened.

Me: That wasn’t as bad as opening a can of biscuits.

Mae: What are biscuits?